


Come and paint the world with me tonight

by brujadelmar



Category: EXO (Band), SNSD
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Chinguline (EXO), Drag Queens, F/F, Gay-Lesbian Solidarity, Implied Taeyeon/Tiffany/Jessica, LGBT culture, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Misandric SNSD, M/M, Multi, SHY SNSD, Self-Indulgent, this is a gays only event go home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-11 07:21:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13519284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brujadelmar/pseuds/brujadelmar
Summary: Because Kyungsoo was exhausted. He was too old to be living this college-and-part-time-job-broke-ass life. He could be winning an Oscar by now. He could convince Wu Yifan to leave his hypothetical closeted life and both would live together somewhere far away, maybe on a farm?LGBT-friendly bookstore AU.





	Come and paint the world with me tonight

 

One o’ clock. Kyungsoo opens the store. He cleans the balcony, the shelves, and the front door. He puts the cake on the table, next to the espresso machine and the tea bottles. He checks the change money, puts the chairs and the beanbags around the place and sits behind the counter.

Rainbow pin on his black shirt, warm tea in one hand, Oedipus the King in the other.

Two o’ clock. Hyoyeon slams the door open.

“What’s up, fellow hobbit?” She says, smiling. Kyungsoo is 12cm taller than her, so he glares. She’s not wearing any pins, because who needs pins when your hair is a fucking rainbow and you own a LGBT friendly store?

“Great,” he sighs. “The new copies of Fun House arrived today. I haven’t touched them with my male hands.”

“Yes, you know better than to profane queen Alison’s bible, bitch,” she laughs. She is using one of her glitter suits today, and her boots make a tic-tic-tic on the polished floor. “Where’s the flag?”

“Jongdae took it,” Kyungsoo says, before taking a sip of his tea. Mint tea, so he can keep his eyes open – this book is the most boring thing he ever read. He had to wake up at five today since he can’t avoid skipping his theory of narrative classes. Now, he knows why people go to college when they’re eighteen; who else would have the energy for that shit but horny teenagers who think they’re adults?

“Oh, yeah. He’s coming late today,” she lifts the box on the ground like it’s full of cotton. Whatever dance classes she’s taking, Kyungsoo should visit them. “He’s bringing the noisy kid too, just so you can be prepared.”

“God,” Kyungsoo closes the book. He won’t finish it today, apparently. “I can’t have one day of peace. One day. His boyfriend doesn’t work or…?”

“You know he’s a singer, but what else?” She winks. “He likes you, Kyungsoo. Also, Baekhyun and Jongdae bring all the boys to the yard.”

True, but at what costs? Kyungsoo knows that there’s a frame in the wall with “god loves every love” written on it, but sometimes, he wished God wouldn’t allow two fucking noisy and annoying people to be together. _That_ , my friend, is the real sin.

Hyoyeon laughs at his painful groan. “I’m going to take these little cute things upstairs. Don’t scare the customers!”

Like Hyoyeon is the most _sympathetic_ , _gentle_ and _inviting_ person on the world. Once an obviously straight customer asked her “where are the books with pictures of dikes making out?” and she ended his reproductive life with one well-placed kick. A religious group came in offering papers about their conversion therapy and Jongdae and Kyungsoo had to hold her, so the books would be clean of their blood. If any man tried to hit on her, she would hit a button that makes the lights in the store turn red. “It’s the gaydar”, she would say, looking straight into their eyes, “I’m helping you, since you don’t have it”.

“Okay,” he mumbled. A customer comes in, silently checking the place. It’s a tiny, tiny girl, and she looks like a high school runaway. They can’t sell books to minors, but if she wants the vinyl or the cakes, then Kyungsoo can help her.

 

“Hi,” she smiles at Kyungsoo, fidgeting with one straw of her pink, long hair. “Do… Do you guys sell… pins?”

“Hello,” Kyungsoo points to his chest. “Like this one?”

“Ye— yes,” she nods timidly. “Do you?”

“Yes,” he picks up the box under the counter. “We have many, actually. For boys, girls, for the entire LGBTTI community, you know.”

She walks slowly to the counter and points to one; the girls’ favorite, LESB HONEST. They sell a lot of the _1# Sappho disciple_ and the _pussy magnet_. Of course, the rainbow one is the classic, but most people already have it. When Kyungsoo started working at PHANTASIA, they only sold LGBT books and LPs, and, sometimes, if the old coffee machine decided to work, some coffee and hot chocolate. Now, they sell pins, flags, frames, magazines, posters and key chains. 

“I want one pink, and the rainbow one,” she glances at the cake. “And… what’s the flavor?”

“Oh, chocolate,” Kyungsoo says. “Tomorrow we will have the strawberry one. But today there’s only chocolate. We have a vegan version too.”

“Ah, can I have one slice too?”

Kyungsoo smiles. Of course, they also sell cakes. It’s his favorite thing since he’s the one making them. After all, Kyungsoo may be disappointed with many things, but never with cooking.

“Would you like to eat he—”

“To go,” she says quickly, looking around. She grabs a cute unicorn wallet and gives him the money, without asking how much. Kyungsoo gives her the change and bubble gums as a gift. She beams and waves at him before running away, giggling.

Kyungsoo is not living his dream life, but yeah, he can have some fun. Feels good to work in a place with friends, where he can be free and be around people like him. When he met Sooyoung, Hyoyeon’s girlfriend, he just needed a job. He was in a bad, bad phase. His attempts to act and sing were going nowhere, and he had, after so many years of temporary jobs and living kind of okay by himself, to go to college.

Kyungsoo hates to study. He’s okay with reading, he’s okay with learning new things, but he’s not okay with classes. In college, he has to study so much bullshit, he can’t fucking choose what he wants. And, of course, he started when he was 25, and his class was full of teenagers – like Kyungsoo wasn’t shy to socialize with people of his own age already. In college he has to deal with people who worship Instagram girls and youtubers. Kyungsoo doesn’t have a fucking facebook. He has a twitter and he barely tweets anything; that’s enough.

PHANTASIA was a nice project by Hyoyeon. She wanted a place for her lesbian friends to talk and drink some coffee. Gay culture was very problematic for lesbians, after all; safe spaces were disappearing for non-straight women – and, let’s face it, lesbians had a hard time trying to meet in any space. She made a small bookshop with LGBT authors; new and second-hand books. Her book club got so famous that Jongdae found out from his ex-girlfriend about it. He and Hyoyeon talked casually, and Jongdae told her about his dream of doing the same thing with his LP collection. Three years later, Kyungsoo and his cakes came in, and the store was twice the size.

Every Friday, the book club reunites on the second floor. Every Saturday, at night, they make a small reunion with friends, their wine and whine session.

Every fucking day Jongdae invades the store screeching like he was trying to be a part of the next Jurassic Park remake.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaat a beautiful day for the queers,” Jongdae comes in, carrying his boyfriend, bridal style. Baekhyun is waving their pride flag. “Guess who won the overwatch campus competition last night?

“Who?” Kyungsoo asks, profoundly disinterested. He has to cooperate or they won’t stop asking. He knows it. He knows it by experience.

“This hottie right here,” Baekhyun points to himself, jumping to the floor. “A small step for humanity, a giant step for the gaymers.”

Oh, Kyungsoo forgot. He had an essay to do, but he could play a bit. He certainly would win against Baekhyun, just to humiliate him – even if he’s the only guy around Kyungsoo’s age in his vocal class.

“Who needs a doorbell with you two,” Hyoyeon screams from the other floor. “Jongdae, come help me!” 

“Okay, boss,” he screams back. He sends a kiss to Kyungsoo on his way to the stairs. “Nice to see you, baby.”

Kyungsoo glares.

“Hello,” Baekhyun wiggles his eyebrows. “How you doing?”

“Please, stop,” Kyungsoo turns back to check his phone. “Why don’t you be helpful and pretend you’re a customer?”

“I could, but my friends will be here later, so…” Baekhyun sits on a beanbag. Well, he falls on a bean bag. “So, what’s new around here?”

“Nothing. It’s a Monday, pretty calm as ever,” Kyungsoo says. “Until you guys came in.”

“Really? I can’t believe,” Baekhyun laughs. “What about your fanboys? None of them here yet to stare at your ass?”

Kyungsoo takes a long breath.

 

Kyungsoo was seven years old when he announced he wasn’t going to get married. He was eleven years old when he saw a man and a woman kissing next to him and he felt slightly uncomfortable. He was fourteen when he watched the first same-sex kiss and he was mesmerized.

He went through all the phases. _I’m too young for that; I don’t feel comfortable with girls; romance is stupid, I’m focusing on my career; she’s nice, but I don’t want to date; I would date a boy, but I don’t get the sex part; I would have sex with anyone, maybe; I guess I’m more into men; wow, I’m gay._

It took a long time for him to understand that he felt different from the other boys not because he was better and less “sexual”, not because he was shy, not because he wasn’t into the “boys” things. It was because he was gay. Well, he was shy, but he was also fucking afraid of being seen the way he was. It was easier to believe that he was just a private person.

Even after accepting he was into men, it was hard to accept his desires and intimacy. Straight people would call him “still closeted”, but it’s because straight people don’t know _shit_. They have no idea of how many “closet doors” he has to break every day – they don’t know that the hardest closet to break free was inside of the mind.

Even if he is “out”, he doesn’t feel like he’s being open about it. His parents know about it because they’re not stupid: Kyungsoo is twenty-six, never had a girlfriend, works in a LGBT friendly store; he hates to perpetuate the stereotype, but he studies drama. His brother has been married since he was Kyungsoo’s age; he is pretty much the straight kid. So, when Kyungsoo is at home, certain subjects make _clear_ they know. _Do you know your cousin is getting married,_ they say softly and carefully, never looking into his eyes.

Kyungsoo is trying to accept that. He doesn’t have to tell the world. No one comes home and says, well guys, I need to confess I’m straight. Then he doesn’t have to do it too. He just lives his life and lets people say whatever they want.

But, the problem is when they talk shit to him. Not just straight people.

_And a specific shit._

Kyungsoo is used to men hitting on him, or just complimenting him. He’s used to male attention even before he understood what that meant. Unfortunately, most men are trash – and, even worse, most men think he is “cute”.

It wouldn’t be a problem if Kyungsoo was straight. Girls think he’s cute, but they’re nice about it. They say things like, _ow, you’re pretty!_ not something like I _bet a twink like you would like my dick stuffed in your tight ass_. Kyungsoo had to put an anime pic on his profile and delete all his twitter selfies because he kept getting replies like _you should dress like a girl!!!_ or _do you like guys with a 20+cm dick???_ Or the humiliating # _bottomgoals_.

Yeah, Kyungsoo has a long list of fanboys, and half of them are straight creeps who think he would love to be their bitch, and the other half are just weirdos. To make things worse, his only fuckbuddy started dating a guy and moved to another country. Now Kyungsoo is lonely and sad – only his pride stops him from accepting one of the guys’ offers. Lucky to Kyungsoo, he has a lot of pride and self-respect – enough that he walked with his head up for weeks after he was listed as “second favorite dream bottom” in his campus. He wasn’t even living in the dorms and he was a _freshman_. The list was hanging out too humiliatingly high on the corridor wall for him to tear it apart.

“What are we talking about?” Jongdae asks, holding some books. Hyoyeon is walking just behind him.

“Kyungsoo’s fanboys, our favorite subject,” Baekhyun winks. He deserves each slap Kyungsoo gave him.

“Oh, which one?” Hyoyeon asks, laughing. “The _sugar daddy_? The _shy hottie_? The _Disney princess_? The _intense_?”

Yeah. Kyungsoo could run away from the creeps anywhere but the store. On the counter was glued a warning:

**DON’T CALL ME CUTE, SMALL, TWINK, ADORABLE OR YOU’RE OUT**

It was a parody of the warning hanging on the front door:

**NO HATE, NO PREJUDICE, NO AGGRESSION OR YOU’RE OUT**

 

“None of them visited him today,” Baekhyun pouts. “He’s feeling lonely.”

“Isn’t ‘Intense’ coming later?” Jongdae points.

“Oh, yeah,” Baekhyun nods. “He is! He’s your favorite, isn’t he Kyungsoo?”

“Fuck, no way,” Hyoyeon complains. “I bet my money that Kyungsoo is going to fall into the Shy Hottie’s arms!”

“Shy Hottie has a girlfriend,” Jongdae narrows his eyes. “Disney Princess is my hope for curing Kyungsoo’s loneliness.”

“I can’t believe you,” Baekhyun spits. “How could you say that when I put my money on Sugar Daddy? He’s perfect for Kyungsoo.”

“I’m right here,” Kyungsoo says dryly. “I’m not going to fuck any of these guys. I’m not crazy.”

“You could… just go on a date with one of them,” Jongdae shrugs, while helping Hyoyeon to put the box on a higher shelf. Kyungsoo shoots him an inquiring look; okay, Jongdae is a bi guy who only dated one guy, but is he actually so naïve to believe that these guys wanted to date Kyungsoo? 

Kyungsoo lost count of how many times he got messages from married men asking him “on a date”, or from the guys who _clearly_ wouldn’t hold his hand in the daylight after getting what they wanted. They all approached him like hungry wolves, but fuck if Kyungsoo wasn’t a wolf too.

The doorbell rings, and the front door opens. For a moment, Kyungsoo is ready to face a customer, but it’s just Yuri. She promised them to bring news about the new Minseok album. Maybe, it would be the first time they would have a fan meet at their store. Maybe.

 

Kyungsoo could list his life phases by the people he stanned, like many fellow homosexuals out there: _the straight phase_ , stanning a clearly queer opposite-sex person; _kind of gay_ , finding a same-sex person that fits the heteronormative standard, generally someone acclaimed by everyone; _the totally gay_ , being a big fan of a same-sex gay person.

Or, in Kyungsoo’s life: Amber Liu, Wu Yifan, and Kim Minseok, respectively.

Kyungsoo was into Amber at first sight; she was so different from the female idol ideal! He loved her tomboy appearance. He thought it was very unique, and, of course, she was a girl. He liked a girl. He watched her music videos when he was a teenager, dancing and singing with her. 

In his “dating boys are fine! LGBT rights enthusiast here” time, he chose Wu Yifan as his favorite celebrity. Everyone loved him, even the straight guys. He was so manly, and he was the man crush of all of his friends. Then… it was okay, right? To want to climb that 1,87m of him to platonically sit on his resting bitchface.

Well, Yifan was straight. And after all the hell of the beginning of his twenties, he needed someone who would be a lot more like him. No queerbaiting. No fanservice. G-A-Y.

H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L.

Kim Minseok was an alternative artist. Good, yeah, but not as popular as Idols. He was just a good singer, an okay songwriter, and a motherfucking hot guy. His songs didn’t reach the top 10, but you could listen to him on the radio with a certain regularity.

Until he was invited to a LGBT shelter charity, and in an emotional speech, came out publicly.

“ _Two weeks ago my little sister told me in tears that she likes a girl_ ,” he said, looking fondly at a crying teenager in the audience. _“And I tried to tell her there was nothing to be afraid, but… the fact is, how can I tell her that if I’m afraid too? How can I be an example for her if I’m lying to myself? I don’t want her to think that being gay is a bad thing. Then I’m going to show her it’s okay. She came here with me today after confessing to her crush, I’m proud of her. I’m the proudest brother in the world. So I’m here trying to make her proud too. I’m Kim Minseok, I’m a singer, and I’m gay._ ”

Kyungsoo cried for a solid ten minutes after watching it. Minseok owned his fucking ass since this moment. Not only his ass. Baekhyun has one of his songs tattooed on his chest. Jongdae has a human size poster of him on his room’s wall. In PHANTASIA, a gigantic picture of him is glued to the bathroom door.

“We only jerk off to Minseok here, it’s a rule,” Jongdae announced.

“Gross,” Sooyoung said.

They wanted to bring Minseok to the store. PHANTASIA was the only LGBT friendly store around, even if they were small and kind of a mess.

Yuri brings good news.

“Apparently, he likes the idea,” she says, lifting her hands to stop them from screaming. “But… the label is a bit afraid of the security here.”

She means _no security_. The surveillance camera was broken and the building security guy was the laziest man on earth. For a small bookstore in a small neighborhood, it worked just fine.

“We can fix the camera,” Baekhyun says. Kyungsoo frowns. He doesn’t work in the store, but he thinks he does.

“We have to,” Yuri says. She also doesn’t work there, she just provides the materials. “But even with a lot of protection, he’s becoming big, and we are pretty insignificant.”

“Well, we can dream,” Kyungsoo sighs. “Are we on the list of the new album distribution?”

“Yes, of course,” she nods. “Wow, Kyungsoo, that’s your chocolate cake? I want one slice, please… before we go back to work.”

“That’s how he conquers men’s heart,” Baekhyun smiles. “Watch this silent shark gets all the fanboys.”

 

.

 

Many customers have tried to hit on Kyungsoo, Jongdae, and Hyoyeon, but two of the workers had partners. Kyungsoo, being the only single one, had no one to keep the creeps away, and maybe his glare wasn’t as scary as he thought. Sometimes, the guys took the hint and left; other times, they understood Kyungsoo’s evasiveness as an invitation.

The fanboys were something else. They were regular customers, all of them being polite towards Kyungsoo, but also being very clear about what they wanted. Because of that, it was easy to remember their names and faces; they came in and then, one of Kyungsoo’s coworkers would stare and smile suggestively. It became an inside joke, something they would talk about during their small meetings or during their Saturday reunion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

The _Sugar Daddy_ was the first.

He came in on a Friday, dressed in a matching buttondown shirt and shorts (green with a tree print), after parking an SUV next to the store. He went straight to the turntables and pointed to the vintage _too-expensive-for-anyone-to-buy_ (Yuri found it on an antique store and gave as a present to Hyoyeon).

“I want that,” he said, eyes sparkling while looking at the vinyl collection. “And maybe some of the LP records.”

“Not for sale,” Kyungsoo said, tired. “It’s for decoration.”

“It doesn’t work?” the man turned to Kyungsoo. He was a good-looking guy, and, besides his macho-demanding ways, he smelled like moisturizer, expensive perfume and Kyungsoo was sure he had BB cream on.

“It does,” Kyungsoo nods. For some reason, he wished he was looking better, but it was a Friday night and he had no sleep during the week. “But it was a gift.”

“For you?” The man’s voice was soft now. His posture had changed; he was about Kyungsoo’s height, and he was trying to look taller.

“No,” Kyungsoo sighed. “It belongs to the owner of the store, Hyoyeon.”

“I see,” he said. “Can I talk to her? I’ll pay whatever she wants for this turntable.”

He said it with absolute conviction. Baekhyun popped away from his following-my-boyfriend-around routine to watch the scene. Kyungsoo was too tired to fight, but Hyoyeon had a lot of energy, so he just guided the customer to her.

“That was hot,” Baekhyun said. “I would date a man like that.”

“Eh,” Jongdae _complained_ from behind of a shelf. “Are you dumping me for this dude, _material girl_?”

“Just for a while,” Baekhyun said, laughing when Jongdae threatened to throw a book at him. “ _Eh_ , I would still love you.”

The man bought the goddamn turntable and some LPs, paying in cash. He was embarrassed when he was facing Kyungsoo again.

“Sorry if I sounded bossy,” he said, but Kyungsoo could care less. “I didn’t mean to… I just need to impress someone and that was…”

“No problem,” Kyungsoo said, almost yawning. “Nice selection.”

He wasn’t lying; the guy chose some of the best albums, honestly. Who would put Tracy Chapman together with Gal Costa and the only tolerable album Green Day did? _Kyungsoo_ was impressed.

“Thank you,” the man smiled and Kyungsoo, after four months of no sex, _did_ stare at the guy’s ass when he left the store. The man kept coming back, choosing nice LPs, talking a bit with Kyungsoo, entertaining Baekhyun and Jongdae sometimes. Since he always paid with money, Kyungsoo had no idea what his name was. One day, he came a bit earlier, wearing a sweater, holding a bag full of bread.

“Can I help you?” Kyungsoo tried, adjusting his glasses on his face. It was a warm evening, and Kyungsoo was drinking a juice, feeling oddly irritated to be confined to work on a day like this.

“Sorry,” he waved his hand. “I just wanted to ask if you… if you want to go out today. I have tickets to a basketball game. I know we—”

“Not interested, thank you,” Kyungsoo said as politely as he could.

“Oh, okay,” the man was flustered. “Sorry for bothering you.”

“No problem,” Kyungsoo said and went back to his reading.

He went to the store again, seeming to be unaffected by Kyungsoo’s rejection. Baekhyun was mortified. He found out the name of the guy on the internet and showed Kyungsoo.

“He’s rich, Kyungsoo,” he said, almost jumping the counter. “ _He’s fucking rich_! Forget his weird clothing and the dad jokes! Just go on a date with him!”

“I’m not interested.”

“God _, why_? Why did you give this opportunity to someone who doesn’t care?” Baekhyun said dramatically, and in a time like this, Kyungsoo comprehends why he’s a terrible actor.

 

 

 

Shy hottie showed up in the last ten minutes of Kyungsoo’s shift. He walked to the bookshelf before Kyungsoo could stop him. Lucky for him, Hyoyeon was around and apparently, the man had good taste in books. They kept talking and Kyungsoo picked up his things to leave. He stopped next to them, waiting for Hyoyeon acknowledge him. The man was smiling and nodding, clearly enjoying the conversation.

He was hot. Like, hot like a _movie star_. He was using a cap and clothes that covered his body, but he had broad shoulders and a beautiful, _beautiful_ face.

“I’m leaving,” Kyungsoo announced. Hyoyeon nodded and the guy stared. Kyungsoo ignored his urge to stare back and left the store. He lived a bit far, and he had two dogs to take care of.

The man came back several times. He was always a bit overdressed, rushing, and Kyungsoo _knew_ what that meant. He was an avid reader, and he always asked for Hyoyeon’s opinion. When he was paying for his books, he stared at Kyungsoo instead of doing anything else, never blinking. Sometimes, he would say something nice, a compliment, and then blush violently after.

“He likes you,” Sooyoung said one day when the guy left. “He keeps staring and smiling. He listened to your entire conversation while you were on the phone.”

“I was talking to the vet,” Kyungsoo frowned.

“He has a crush on you,” Yuri mocked, passing by with the boxes. “That’s cute.”

Baekhyun was still offended because of the Sugar Daddy’s episode, so he found the guy on the internet too.

“He has a girlfriend,” he gave a paper to every one of them. It was the guy’s facebook profile.

“Did you print his facebook, man?” Hyoyeon was shocked. “This is… possibly one of the craziest things you have done.”

“Don’t test him, please,” Jongdae was tired. “Listen, the guy has a girlfriend. This is a _straight creep alarm_.”

Kyungsoo was… a little disappointed. If Shy Hottie asked him out, he would say yes. But he wouldn’t fall in the classic ‘straight-person-using-gaybie-feelings-for-sex’, not even if _said straight person_ came to the store once showing his tanned guns and flawless hair, smiling like he was doing a toothpaste commercial. Kyungsoo treated him coldly, even if his pants were on fire.

“I kind of pity him,” Sooyoung said. “He wasn’t hitting on you. He just had a crush.”

“I don’t think he’s straight,” Hyoyeon sat on her girl’s lap, nodding. “No straight man that works out reads Jane Austen and Virginia Woolf with such passion.”

“That’s a stereotype against straight people,” Jongdae said, serious for a fraction of a second, then exploded in laughter. “But he may be bisexual, right?”

“He looks like he’s figuring it out,” Yuri pointed. “Like when I was playing soccer while dating straight guys.”

 

 

 _Disney princess_ was a recent Minseok fan. He met Jongdae in some Minseok FC online forum and went to the store to buy old magazines. He was pretty, polite and funny. He also had an accent, but Kyungsoo never asked anything about it. They had short conversations, mostly Minseok-related or just about music. One day, he came too close to the counter and touched Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“Hey,” he said. Kyungsoo waited. “Do you want to go out to see a movie?”

“No, thank you,” Kyungsoo said politely.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” he asked softly. “Or am I not your type?”

It was a hard question to answer. That man was pretty, but Kyungsoo wasn’t in the mood to date someone just because they’re hot. He needed some sex and human contact, but the price to deal with people was too high.

“I just don’t want to,” Kyungsoo said.

Jongdae was speechless.

“He’s hot, he’s nice, he loves Minseok, what’s your problem?” Jongdae was making chamomile tea; there was still cake left, and the strawberry was the best one. It was a family recipe, and Kyungsoo mastered it easily. He had time, living in a cramped apartment with his dogs and nothing to do but study.

“I can’t say no?”

“Of course, you can, Kyungsoo,” Jongdae shook his head. “But why? You’re single and young. Why don’t you just try?”

Because Kyungsoo was exhausted. He was too old to be living this _college-and-part-time-job-broke-ass_ life. He could be winning an Oscar by now. He could convince Wu Yifan to leave his hypothetical closeted life and both would live together somewhere far away, maybe on a farm?

 

 

 

 _Intense_ fanboy had no one cheering for him. He was his own team.

Kyungsoo did not see him walking in; otherwise, he could quote the Taylor Swift song (no album from her in their store until she assumed Karlie Kloss publicly). Kyungsoo turned back to check something on his phone, and then, bang, this guy was standing next to the counter. He was tall, and he was using glasses and a bucket hat that would make Hyoyeon have a heart attack. He was dressed in a giant jumper, and he blocked Kyungsoo’s sight almost completely.

“Okay,” he looked down at Kyungsoo, inspecting. “ _Twink_ is beyond offensive, but why can’t people call you adorable?”

Kyungsoo sighed. It was June and he had to use pink because of pride month. Hyoyeon used all the blue shades _on the planet earth_ and Jongdae was using the same purple shirt for four days.

“Because they have common sense,” Kyungsoo spat. “You don’t say such things to someone you don’t know.”

“But you look adorable,” he said, frowning. He wasn’t even flirting or mocking. “It’s not a compliment. It’s just… the truth.”

Oh yeah. Occupying all the space, using a fishing hat, saying shit like this. _Who let the straights out?_

“I guess you’re not a customer,” Kyungsoo said. “Or may I help you?”

“Oh, I’m Baekhyun’s friend.” _Of course_. “He wanted to see his boyfriend, so I came too. But I do want a slice of that cake… and some tea… maybe cinnamon tea… and… what is that paper with a lot of names on it?”

“It’s the _coming out_ bingo,” Kyungsoo says. “It shows the celebrities we think are queer. Hyoyeon started it a long time ago when the twilight fans still thought that Kristen Stewart was straight. Pre-historic.”

“Oooh,” the guy nodded slowly. He had a melodious deep voice. Kyungsoo was getting so desperate for sex that he was checking this weirdo out. I mean, an attractive weirdo, but…

“Cake, cinnamon tea, that’s all?” Kyungsoo said, shaking his head. “You can sit on the table. I’ll bring it to you.”

The guy was staring at Kyungsoo’s chest. Kyungsoo just hoped the guy noticed the pride flag and well, everything else, and he wasn’t staring just because of the rainbow pin.

“Are you Wu Yifan’s fan?” he said, excited. “Wow! I’m a _FanFan galaxer_!”

Oh, of course. Kyungsoo had three pink shirts, and all of them were gifts from a première of Yifan’s “Le rose chat” movie. Kyungsoo stole Hyoyeon’s and Jongdae’s shirts.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo said, moving to make the tea. “I am too.”

“Fuck, that’s amazing,” he clasped his hands together, but his smile died on his face a moment later. “But… he’s not gay.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. _Yeah, keep reminding me that the love of my life is straight_. Honestly, theses bro dudes are just fans of him because he’s banging that girl from his action movie. In their tiny testosterone brain, Yifan explodes cars and dates hot girls, then he is a _god_. Kyungsoo bets that this guy knows the name of the new car Yifan bought.

“I know,” Kyungsoo’s voice could freeze even Elsa. “You don’t have to tell me. I’m a fan.”

“Oh… sorry, then,” the guy scratched his neck. “The posters… around… so… I thought… he couldn’t…”

From left to right, the wall was covered in posters: Elton John, Troye Sivan, Janis Joplin, The Runaways, Adam Lambert, Halsey, Rick Martin, Tegan and Sara… Sooyoung even put her favorite Fifth Harmony poster on the door, with a small heart between Camila and Lauren’s face. Behind the counter, only an Amber Liu picture was seen. Kyungsoo wanted a Minseok poster next to him too, but the girls were done with the gay’s favorite obsession for now. _This guy stares at me every time I’m peeing, now also when I’m eating?_ Hyoyeon protested.

“That’s just my shirt. Gay people are allowed to have one straight fave, you know,” Kyungsoo said, slicing the cake with perfection. Not because of the guy, but because Kyungsoo loved his food art. The man took a hint and sat at the table, but his big, shining eyes were on Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo decorated the cake with strawberries and rainbow jelly beans, and the man beamed when he saw. A normal reaction – Shy Hottie once asked timidly for more bear gummies and Kyungsoo couldn’t say no because he was using eyeliner and _damn_ , he was a fine piece of man. 

“That’s so cute…” the man squished his own cheeks, happy. Kyungsoo blinked. Did this guy know he’s a big ass man with apparently big guns and shit or he was just trying to look less macho? “Can I take a picture? It’s for my Instagram…”

“Yes, of course,” Kyungsoo walked back to his place. He grabbed the stickers (rainbows, unicorns, and flags). “If you tag us, then you get one of these as a gift. It’s phantasia_lpbooks, P-H-A-N-T-A-S-I-A underline L-P-B-O-O-K-S.”

“Fuck, that’s cool,” the man said, happily swinging his phone. “I’m tagging the store. My Instagram is P-C-Y underline R-E-A-L. Because my name is Park Chanyeol.”

“Creative,” Kyungsoo murmurs.

“What’s your name?” Chanyeol asks. “You have no tag.”

“Kyungsoo. We don’t use tags here. We believe in introducing ourselves eye-to-eye.”

“Ah, okay. And… do you have an ins—”

“No.”

“That’s okay,” Chanyeol nods and eats his cake while talking about research he read about Instagram and its impact on mental health. It’s actually interesting, so Kyungsoo listened to his rant while cleaning the counter. When Baekhyun comes back, the two of them leave, Chanyeol waved eargely at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo nodded back.

 

 

For a while, Chanyeol visited the store and chatted with Kyungsoo about Yifan, always complimenting the cakes after eating some slices in an over-excited way. It was kind of okay… until Intense fanboy showed his _fanboy side_.

 Kyungsoo made the mistake of messaging him to pick Baekhyun up, because Jongdae asked while trying to stop his drunk boyfriend from jumping the second-floor window. Then, Chanyeol started to send memes and articles to Kyungsoo. After that, he would send pictures of pretty much everything he thought was funny or cute.

He almost broke the store’s front door one day, dressed in his pajamas.

“Kyungsoo,” he screamed, holding his phone high in the air. “For God’s sake, answer your phone!”

“My battery is dead,” Kyungsoo said slowly. It was five in the afternoon. “What’s happening?”

“Yifan released the new movie teaser… the name of his new album… and announced he is doing a world tour next year,” he said, painting. “Like, in a spam of an hour, Kyungsoo… We are blessed…”

“Hello, Chanyeol,” Jongdae said, smiling. He was sitting next to Kyungsoo, helping him with the new zines classification. “I had no idea you two were friends.”

 _We’re not_ , Kyungsoo thought, but he appreciated some memes, once in a while. Chanyeol blinked, waving to Jongdae.

“Sorry, man… didn’t see you there…” he said sheepishly. “I was just…”

“Excited, I can see. You’re in your pajamas,” Jongdae laughed. “Don’t you have classes today?”

“Classes?” Kyungsoo looked at Jongdae.

“Yup,” Jongdae nodded, checking the new BEES ARE BIS zine. He wanted one, but it was super requested by the customers – the creator was one of Hyoyeon’s friends, a nice artist, but also a busy girl. “Chanyeol here is a late bloomer like you. He’s doing Sound Engineering since… this semester, right?”

“Yeah…” Chanyeol smiles brightly. “Best decision of my life. I used to hate the idea of college, but I guess I had to face it someday. It’s being nice.”

Kyungsoo just stared. He realized that he knew nothing about this man that left his home in a hurry to show him important things (very important things).

“Oh,” he mumbled, and after feeling the guilt creeping in his face, gave him a slice of cake ( _it’s on me_ ), and sat next to him to watch the teaser. Chanyeol was bouncing his legs and eating at the same time, and Kyungsoo had to get closer to him to read the subtitles. Chanyeol glanced discreetly at their legs, where they were touching. Kyungsoo sighed; he spent so much time surrounded by gay people – and their endless touch-starved ways – that he forgot how he had to behave around straight guys. Always measuring the space between them, always vigilant. He closed his legs, leaning to the opposite side. His gesture put a slight distance between their bodies. Chanyeol glanced again and the corners of his mouth fell down.

“You can come closer,” he said. “I don’t mind.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo said, but kept his position, frozen. _Hit on them, they mad. Don’t hit on them, they mad too._

After the teaser, they watched an interview; Yifan announced a comeback, a world tour, and the album name: _the dragon’s fury_. Chanyeol was thrilled.

“I tattooed the lyrics of Firewall,” he said, pushing his sleeves up and showing Kyungsoo his arm. It was a nice font, black and old-styled, and the words were diagonally placed, giving it a nice effect. “I love… I love that song… I hope he keeps it on the setlist.”

“Chanyeol, do you work?” Kyungsoo said, touching the words on his skin. Kyungsoo was always fascinated by tattoos, even if he wasn’t planning to tattoo anything. “Sorry for the random question.”

“Yup, I’m a drummer,” Chanyeol smiled. Up close, Kyungsoo could see his lashes and the black roots of his hair. “I help people composing songs, sometimes.”

“I would never guess,” Kyungsoo said. “You never look at the LP’s.”

Kyungsoo had to deal with at least two hipsters a day praising The Smiths and asking why Morrissey wasn’t on the posters too. Kyungsoo was secretly expecting Sugar Daddy to ask the same question any day. Once he came in with a Red Velvet shirt under a Valentino suit and bought two Minseok pins, _I can’t decide which one_.

 “Oh… I… literally study digital music. I mean, I would like to have one turntable for decoration, but, fuck, man… I love technology!” He laughed, shaking his whole body. That’s how Kyungsoo realized they were leaning on each other again. “But I have a Beatles Sargent Pepper’s’ LP on my wall.”

“You know there are digital turntables, right?”

“That’s some hipster shit,” Chanyeol said and Kyungsoo couldn’t contain his laughter. “Ah, do you agree?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo smiled. “Don’t tell anyone around here. The boys would eat me alive.”

“Are you afraid of them? I mean, Baekhyun once told me you knocked a guy out in the middle of campus.”

“He and his friends put me on a disrespectful list,” Kyungsoo lifted his shoulders and let them fall. “Did you know I was in college?”

“Yeah, Baekhyun told me you attend a class with him. Why are you asking me that?”

“Nothing,” Kyungsoo said, staring at the plate. Chanyeol was inspecting him. “Drama school.”

“Ah, you guys read a lot, right? Plays and classic books,” Chanyeol turned his neck to look at the shelves. He had a long neck. “Now I have to read things… I wish I could read nice books… but I don’t get literature besides, you know, Harry Potter.”

“Most of the famous plays are boring as hell,” Kyungsoo shrugs. “And drama, tragedy and epic theory are just… tiring. Like, I don’t want to understand Plato’s views on poetry and art, I want to do things.”

“I know,” Chanyeol laughs, looking back (and down) at Kyungsoo. “My problem is that… Engineering is very… masculine. Not many girls around and the guys say a lot of sexist things… So, I don’t care much when they’re teaching stuff. At least I learn. I like learning. That’s why I decided to enroll, you know. When I was a teenager I thought I was a genius or something… but now I know I’m just very ignorant of many things.”

Kyungsoo considered that, but talking about college was a depressing topic for him, so, he kept his mouth shut.

“You don’t look like a drama kid,” Chanyeol says, and Kyungsoo can feel Chanyeol’s arm creeping around his shoulders. “I mean, they’re noisy and energetic… and they dress like a Lady Gaga 2009 clip.”

“That’s… a very engineering opinion,” Kyungsoo said, even if he agreed.

“Sorry,” Chanyeol laughed. Kyungsoo was sure that Chanyeol’s googly eyes were staring at his mouth. “I guess I’m used to my colleagues. I don’t know how…”

Kyungsoo heard his third level STRAIGHT CREEP alarm ring, so he stood up, dusting off his clothes – full of cake because Chanyeol couldn’t eat with his mouth shut, could he?

“Gotta go back to work,” Kyungsoo said. “If you want a book recommendation, Sooyoung is a specialist. Good luck.”

Kyungsoo avoided Chanyeol for a while; he was already ignoring the guy online, anyway. During the Saturday reunion, Baekhyun, guided by two glasses of wine and at least a bucket of Skittles, confessed:

“Listen, I put Chanyeol on your list of fanboys now,” he said, petting the girls’ cat, Gee. “I thought it was just his thing of wanting to be friends with literally everyone… but now I guess it’s a crush? He keeps asking me if you’re mad at him.”

“Oh, that’s cute,” Yuri said. “Isn’t he the guy who bought that Oscar Wilde book?”

“Yup,” Baekhyun sighed. “He can’t shut up about it. Also, any shit about Kyungsoo. Are you mad, bro?”

“No, I’m not,” Kyungsoo was drinking his artisanal beer, letting the air conditioner cool his body in that too-warm night. “I just don’t like straights ogling me.”

“About that…” Baekhyun sat slowly, making a scene of looking around. “I met him right before dating Jongdae, you know. He was friends with my never-ending crush, Yixing. So I don’t know him enough… or very deeply.”

“And?” Kyungsoo raised one eyebrow.

“And I have no idea if he’s straight or not.”

“What?” Sooyoung almost spat her toast. Her fine ass only drank wine with the right cheese. “Are you fucking kidding me?  We have trained for that, Baekhyun. It’s a survival trait.”

“I know, but this man is slippery. He could be dating everyone or no one,” Baekhyun yawned, and let the cat go so he could pour more wine into his glass. “He avoids talking about relationships; he never compliments anyone in a sexual way, but he flirts… in a friendly way… a lot. Like… that type of flirting which is too exaggerated to be taken seriously.”

“Maybe he’s pan or ace,” Sooyoung frowned. “Anyway, what’s his fanboy alias?”

“Intense,” Kyungsoo announced. There was no other way to explain Chanyeol. “How did you meet him, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun straightens up in, holding the glass like it was the skull in Macbeth. Kyungsoo wanted to die.

“… In fourteen August, during the afternoon, on a sunny day of my—”

“No,” Yuri screamed. “Listen I can’t hear this story about Yixing again. I will stop my collaboration with this store, I swear.”

“He’s friends with his never-ending crush,” Jongdae informs, from far, holding a big sack of candies. “He worked with Yixing, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun exhaled. He’s probably frustrated because he can’t tell for the hundred time about how he met Yixing and fell in love with a Straight Guy. “Chanyeol helped with Yixing’s album. Did I tell you guys his videos have four million vi—”

“Yes,” Hyoyeon attacked Baekhyun, throwing skittles at him. Jongdae just laughed, offering gummy bears to the group. “Now that we’re all here, I have something important to say.”

Hyoyeon is generally playful, but her tone is serious and they pay as much attention as they can after alcoholic drinks and sugar.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our decision to expand… and… I think if, if we get on the list of Minseok’s album distribution, I want to throw a party here. An actual party, for real. Not just wine and candies. You know, dance, music, drags, lights and everything.”

“That would be nice,” Jongdae smiled. Kyungsoo sighed; he wasn’t a great fan of parties, but if that was the case, yeah, why not? He nodded. He could handle one night of entertaining strangers.

 

 

.

 

In two hours, the store becomes a chaos. Jongdae is running back and forth to assist the customers and debate with them, Sugar Daddy comes in and Baekhyun brings him to the meeting, two zine artists show up to drop their material and end up in the meeting too… to finish the mess, Baekhyun’s friends almost knock the door down, screaming. Kyungsoo pretends he never saw their faces, even if some of them attend classes with him.

Hyoyeon is in the middle of her _this will be a gay-lesbian solidarity party_ rant when they invade the store. They’re just a bunch of dumb campus people, in Kyungsoo’s opinion, so he ignores them for a while, focusing on the awesome drawing Sunny, the zine maker (and, he suspects, Yuri’s new date), is doing. He feels an arm around him.

“Hey, that’s sick,” Chanyeol says, next to Kyungsoo, but he’s talking with Sunny. “I think I’ve seen your drawing style somewhere, I guess it was a Sailor Moon zine?”

“Oh,” Sunny lifts his head to acknowledge him. She has a funny face, pink hair, and a nice style. Kyungsoo likes her smile, but now he can’t feel comfortable with Chanyeol getting cozy again. He’s an octopus and he thinks he’s smooth. “I did one, Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus. Kind of old.”

“I guess a friend of mine showed me,” Chanyeol nods. Kyungsoo stares at him. He’s not using horrendous clothes today, and, of course, he dyed his hair again, now to purple.  “She’s an art major, Joohyun. She does some fashion stuff and… she knows about makeup. I don’t get much.”

“Ohhh… she’s my friend,” Sunny nods. “Are… you… Chanyeol?”

“Yes,” he smiles, satisfied. Kyungsoo just wants to understand why he’s in the middle of the two, and why Chanyeol is still hugging him. “She told you about me?”

“Oh, she doesn’t hang out with many guys,” Sunny says, winking. Kyungsoo instinctively looks for somewhere he can run away to. Baekhyun and Jongdae are discussing something with Sugar Daddy. Baekhyun’s friends are wandering around, inspecting the store. Hyoyeon, Yuri, and Sooyoung are debating something intensely, and the other zine maker is writing down something. Kyungsoo is stuck and he can feel Chanyeol’s fingers drawing circles on his back, while Sunny is talking about this girl. Kyungsoo sighs; that’s the reason he hates when his friends invite other friends. The girls call Sunny and she politely excuses herself. Chanyeol pinches Kyungsoo’s arm.

“Hey, I was looking for you,” he says softly. Kyungsoo just stares, he knows Chanyeol is indirectly saying “you’re avoiding me”, since they have each other’s number and of course, Chanyeol knows where Kyungsoo works and studies. “Are you going to the ‘Six’ premiere next week?”

“No,” Kyungsoo sighs. He really wants to go, but unfortunately, he’s not Yifan’s trophy husband and he has to graduate someday. “I have a test, and I can’t miss it. I think I’ll go on Saturday.”

“Can I come with you?” he asks, sheepish. “I always go by myself. I just want some company this time. I asked a friend, but she doesn’t like action movies.”

Kyungsoo considers that. There’s no reason to say no – most of the people he knows are going on Friday. It’s not like it’s a date; Chanyeol just stated Kyungsoo was his last option, since his actual date said no (after all, why would a guy ask a girl to watch action movies with him?).

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo nods. “I’ll be out of here at seven. And you?”

“Seven it is,” he smiles, turning his head to the side, in a failed attempt to look cute. “I hope you don’t mind if I keep fangirling during the movie. I can… be loud?”

“Really? Shocking,” Kyungsoo smirks, and Chanyeol stares, smiling. Kyungsoo hates himself for finding him attractive – maybe his friends are right and now Kyungsoo is feeling the abstinence of intimacy. The other day, he checked out the amazing long legs of his neighbor, Namjoon, for almost five minutes; and to be honest to himself, he’s hyper-aware of how crazy would it be to ask him out. Kyungsoo keeps having instant crushes on unattainable weird men, especially the ones who look too straight for him. 

“Hey, you two,” Hyoyeon screams. “Stop flirting! Kyungsoo, we need your methodic skills here.”

Chanyeol blushes and his arms fall, setting Kyungsoo free. He helps the girls to organize their ideas, so he easily forgets the other guys. Two days later, when he’s trying to balance all the notes Sooyoung gave him and his books, Baekhyun passes an arm over his shoulder in the middle of the hall.

“What’s up, Kyungie,” he smiles. “Nice to see you here.”

“I’m here every day and so are you,” Kyungsoo frowns. “Don’t hug me in public. People may think we’re friends.”

“Ah, so adorable,” Baekhyun smiles. He has toothpaste on his shirt. “I was looking for you! My favorite colleague in this horrendous place…”

“What do you want, Byun?” Kyungsoo sighs deeply. “I hope it isn’t sugar daddy-related.”

“No, not at all,” Baekhyun shakes his head, wide-eyed, as if this gesture would make his denial more believable. “Did you know he has a boyfriend? He was just really trying to be your friend. He thinks you’re cool… I mean, still a fanboy, but an inoffensive one. He’s also very needy.”

“Oh, really?” Kyungsoo says, so bored he can feel his soul leaving his body as he talks. He has to return his books today, or he will have a debt at the library. Also, he left his house using the pants his dogs tried to eat once and, to his horror, he found out people thought the holes in it were a stylish thing.

“Yes, and he’s only a year older than me and Jongdae! He is just an awkward person, and… you know, bad taste for clothes.”

“Yes.”

“Come on, be a bit happy,” Baekhyun chuckles. “We’re going to have a party to commemorate Minseok’s album!”

“And…?”

“So, since it’s a… you know… something more intimate, I was thinking if you couldn’t… kind of reserve some… tickets…” he was saying softly, trying to sound sweet. “For my friends.”

“Why don’t they just buy them in the store when we start selling them,” Kyungsoo asks - he’s not interested, but he has to ask.

“We are going to see Tiffany’s concert, but unfortunately it’s an entire day of travel… so we won’t be here for four days…” Baekhyun pouts, squeezing Kyungsoo tighter. “Jongdae is going to buy my ticket, but he can only buy two—”

“Like everyone else,” Kyungsoo deadpans. “So no, I can’t.”

“Oh, I just need four,” Baekhyun whines. “It’s not like it’s the whole thing! And I want the purple ones! There’s just ten of those with the free kits!”

“Listen,” Kyungsoo elbows him until Baekhyun set him free. “I can buy one since I’m not taking anyone with me. Find other people to do the same.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun pouts, but kisses Kyungsoo’s cheek after. “Love you!”

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo watches, fascinated at the way the group of lesbians build a wooden stage in less than three hours. They have hammers, nails, and they are carrying planks like they don’t weight anything. Kyungsoo offered to help, and they asked him to bring the tickets boxes and the heaviest thing there would be the thin notebooks. Then, he offered to carry a plant and Yoona just patted his head and said, _why you don’t sit on a chair and look pretty, cutie_ _?_

There’s a sign at the door: _We’re closed today! Getting ready for the big album release! Sorry for the inconvenience!_

So now he just watches and makes the kits with the ticket, post-its and a rainbow pin; everything inside of a small tote bag with PHANTASIA LP&BOOKS written on it. Baekhyun and Jongdae are nowhere to be seen, and he’s brutally outnumbered. He’s having a boring week at college, only terrible, superficial debates and tiring articles to read. Half of his classes are getting ready to see Tiffany performing in a big arena, with the excuse of “vocal research” and “artistic analysis”. They’re just gays that like pop idols. That’s all.

Kyungsoo doesn’t like concerts. He likes hearing music and drinking beer at his home with his dogs, thank you.

“Hey, Kyungsoo,” Hyoyeon says while holding a nail between her teeth; it comes out as Hsey Shyunshsoo. She spits the nail and points to the door. “Intense fanboy.”

Kyungsoo blinks, looking at the glass door. Chanyeol is standing behind it, waving. He’s wearing a t-shirt with the Deserve lyrics from the new Yifan album. Oh, yeah. The movie.

“Ask him if he can pick the drinks to put in the refrigerator,” Yuri warns Hyoyeon. Kyungsoo stares at her, offended. She shrugs. “Well, you can carry it too, if you’re so eager to prove your masculinity and strength.”

Kyungsoo opens the door for him. Chanyeol looks good today like he had put in minimal effort to look presentable. He’s not using his regular backpack and he’s smelling like perfume. Kyungsoo also tries to look better in his “Yifan days”, especially when Hyoyeon can see him, but he’s too tired to do that. At least he’s not using the khaki pants, otherwise, the girls would send him home naked.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo smiles briefly. “It’s only five…”

“Oh, yeah, I know,” Chanyeol nods. “But I got home earlier and I’m too anxious to wait. I already know every line of the trailer by heart. I thought… I could help you, anyway.”

“Yes, you can,” Yuri says and makes a gesture to indicate him to follow her. “Help us move the drinks.”

“Yeah,” Hyoyeon nods. “When you guys finish, you can go to your date.”

Chanyeol is a bit flustered, but he goes with Yuri to the kitchen. Kyungsoo wants to protest, but Sooyoung grabs him first, “You know, Shy Hottie and Sugar Daddy are taken and I’m pretty sure Disney Princess is in another country, so you should give Intense a chance today.”

“Maybe I don’t want a relationship,” Kyungsoo says, staring her dead in the eyes. “Maybe I’m comfortable on my own.”

“We all say that,” she sighs. “Until we realize _why_ we say that. You never dated anyone, Soo. You should at least try. If you realize it’s not your thing, then it’s over. You don’t have to get married.”

“You say this to him,” Hyoyeon accuses, “but you ask me for a ring every day.”

“I’m a good girl and you’re the worst,” she laughs. “You have to put a ring on it.”

Kyungsoo ignores them and helps Chanyeol with the beers. He stares at bit at the way his arms flex, because he’s just human. Chanyeol tries to stop him from picking up the heavier boxes.

“Ah, you’re going to sweat… in your jersey,” he smiles. “Let me do it.”

“I don’t mind, I’ve been wearing this all day,” Kyungsoo retorts. “I didn’t really dress myself today… I just… fell off the bed and picked up the first thing that was within an arm’s reach.”

“Ah, you don’t have to worry,” Chanyeol’s smile softens, and he looks oddly older. “You’re naturally cute.”

“Hey.”

“Sorry, I just can’t help it,” he snorts, his face looking younger again. “Get the sodas!”

 

 

It’s quick work. The girls kick them out from the store and they walk to the mall. It’s close enough so they can get there without being too tired, but not too close to be silent during it.

“So, the drinks. It’s for the party?” Chanyeol asks. He’s swinging his sloth keychain. Kyungsoo thinks he’s intently walking slower to not embarrass him.

“Yes.”

“That’s all the drinks? I mean… there’s no alcohol stuff in there.”

“No alcohol,” Kyungsoo looks at him, just to see his reaction. “Sodas, Soy milkshake, Dark chocolate, and tea. It’s just a big reunion.”

“Ah… It’s weird,” he says, but he is slightly smiling. “There will be presentations… I only see those at bars and clubs. But I understand it’s a bookstore, so…”

“Ah, it isn’t a big thing. Poetry reading, someone singing, some drags… It’s not a talent show or a concert,” Kyungsoo says absently. Sooyoung is taking care of it because she has a poetry club. Hyoyeon is fixing the structural problems and Jongdae and Yuri are dealing with the album-related things. Kyungsoo is going to sell and put the names on the list.

“Do you like it?” Chanyeol asks, a bit sheepish.

“Ah… not much. As an actor, I like poetry readings, of course, but… Not much into singing and drags,” he says, and he can’t help but look around. If any of his gay friends listen to him, he’s going to suffer through another RuPaul forced-binge-watching.

“Ah…” Chanyeol seems disappointed. “But you’re going, right?”

“Of course,” Kyungsoo snorts. “It’s not like I have a choice. And I think it’s going to be nice. All the girls are coming.”

Chanyeol laughs loudly at that.

“Ah… I thought you were waiting for the boys.”

“Any party with a lot of guys sucks, no matter their sexual orientation,” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Shockingly, I can appreciate my friends’ company and you know, not living my life focused on men. We have dating apps for that.”

Kyungsoo is just bashing Chanyeol. Grindr was a traumatic experience.

“I wasn’t implying that,” Chanyeol says, and he sounds sad. He stops walking and looks at Kyungsoo. “I just thought you would like to be around other gay guys, and… in this type of safe space. It’s a one-time opportunity.”

Kyungsoo stops too. It’s kind of surprising that Chanyeol thought about the situation this way.

“Ah…” he murmurs. “Okay. I guess it is, but I’m not very social.”

“What are you saying?” he starts walking again and pats Kyungsoo’s head. “You’re going to the movies on a Saturday night. A premiere and everything. Ah… and you have lovely company.”

“Very humble company,” Kyungsoo snorts and bats Chanyeol’s hand away.

“I guess I never asked you what you like to listen, besides Yifan…” he takes a jelly bean bag out of his pocket and offers it to Kyungsoo. “I mean, I bet you listen to the artists on the posters because their music is always playing, but…”

“No, thanks. Ah…” Kyungsoo turns the corner, and they can see the theater. “I like pop music, actually. I don’t have refined taste.”

“Pop music like… huh… Britney?”

“Britney? Are we in 2004?” Kyungsoo grins. “You don’t know anything about pop, right? I like the mainstream thing. Bruno Mars, Justin Bieber…”

“Ah, I know who they are,” Chanyeol says, messing with his (already messy) hair. He looks like he’s embarrassed. “I just… don’t pay much attention. I bet they’re good. I’ll… I’ll listen to them. I’m more into classics… But I love new things!”

‘New things’ is a nice way to turn something he loves into something boring. Kyungsoo realizes they’re too early to get into a crowded showing. Chanyeol insists on paying for the tickets, so Kyungsoo pays for the popcorn and the sodas.

“Ah, I need to pee before the movie, or I’ll have to pee during the movie,” he excuses himself. “I’ll be back in two minutes.”

Kyungsoo sighs. Few groups are taking their seats, and he’s waiting at the door, holding two big popcorn bags and the soda, like an idiot. And, to be honest, like an idiot on a date. The reason he loves premieres is the cosplays, the shameless fans and to be an anonym. Now, he’s at a movie showing full of _I-love-explosions_ dudes, pop-culture amateur critics, and the fucking couples. At the regular showings he always feels like he’s being watched, eyes, judged. He looks at himself in the mirrored window. He’s okay today, no stains or weird make-up (the girls think he’s some sort of training doll). He notices, then, he’s still wearing the rainbow pin.

He feels a creeping heat in the back of his head, crawling down his neck and back. For how long has he been wearing this? Someone he knows could have seen him. And he was walking with a man, going to the movies…

“Hey,” Chanyeol’s weird voice wakes him up. “Let me hold this for you.”

Kyungsoo gives him the bags. His hands are slighly shaking, and he waits until he’s in the dark of the room so he can take off the pin.

It’s okay. It’s just a pin. It’s just a common pin. It’s no secret.

It’s no secret.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says, softly.

“Huh?” He blinks.

“You have to sit down. The movie is about to start,” he says oddly like he’s trying to smile. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo nods and takes his seat. The movie is colorful, nice photography, amazing soundtrack, but it’s predictable like any action movie. Seeing Yifan makes him sad, instead of helping him to calm down. He can’t see those things when he’s like that. It makes him painfully aware that he’s sad and he’s going home to no one and a harsh, arid life, while Yifan is probably kissing whatever girl he’s kissing in this movie. Kyungsoo can only feel happy and safe in those dreams where they’re married, but this will never happen, and he’s just a normal guy having a crisis in the middle of a movie theater.

Chanyeol rubs Kyungsoo’s wrist and slowly moves his hand to interlace their fingers. Kyungsoo looks at him, and he has so many too-bright teeth that Kyungsoo can see him smiling; his eyes are shining too and he’s the human version of the Chesire cat. Kyungsoo holds his hand back because he needs it. Chanyeol tries to rest his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, but he’s too tall, and he forms a scalene triangle with Kyungsoo and his chair.

But it’s… nice. Kyungsoo feels a bit warmer. When the movie ends, he’s almost okay.

Chanyeol doesn’t let his hand go while they leave, even if he’s holding and drinking from the soda can in his other hand.

“It was way better than I expected,” he looks down at Kyungsoo, licking his lips. “Did you like it?”

“Everything but the plot,” Kyungsoo resumes. It’s his talent.

“Yeah, I even liked his character this time. I was kind of done with “silent-resting-bitchface-good-heart”. Feels like he’s always playing himself,” Chanyeol laughs, and he doesn’t stop walking until they reach the street. “So, can I take you home?”

Kyungsoo blinks.

“Huh?”

“I want to take you to your house,” he says carefully, almost spelling. “So you don’t go home by yourself.”

“No need,” Kyungsoo shakes his head. “I live far from here, and it’s not a great place. I’ll be fine, but you would have trouble to come back home after.”

“Ah, but it’s early. We can take the bus or the train.”

“No, really. I can go home by myself.”

Chanyeol let go of Kyungsoo’s hand slowly, his smile dying on his face. It’s a sad, sad sight. It’s getting dark, and Kyungsoo likes to feel the night wind in his face – the same wind that blows Chanyeol’s hair away while his eyes get less and less shiny.

“Okay,” he says. “I didn’t mean anything… I just wanted to keep you safe, because you’re not… looking great. If you think you’d be better alone… I mean, if it was because of something I did, I’m really sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Kyungsoo frowns. It’s hard to explain. He never invites people to his home. His apartment is small, a mess, and it shows how misguided and broke he is. He has his own routine, and he feels more conformable when he doesn’t have to take care of other people. And he’s fine.

“Ah, fine,” Chanyeol tries to smile again, and it’s like watching the air escaping out of a balloon. He shrinks in size, bows, and nods. “I’ll see you later.”

Kyungsoo sighs, and he’s too tired to add another bad feeling to his chest.

“I have a couch,” he says and he regrets it one second later. Chanyeol stares. “If you want to… stay.”

Chanyeol smiles again, but with no teeth, a soft smile with a trace of satisfaction.

“That would be nice.”

 

 

 

.

 

“I have two dogs,” Kyungsoo warns him while searching his pockets.

“I love dogs,” Chanyeol says. “I have one dog.”

The train travel was nice. They sat together, thighs touching, and Chanyeol told Kyungsoo about his tour days; he liked to travel, to talk to people on the streets, to play for no one in particular. Chanyeol was surprisingly intelligent, in Kyungsoo’s opinion. It was nice to be around someone who doesn’t expect him to talk back. Chanyeol also didn’t seem to care about the apartment’s dirty walls, old furniture and dog’s smell.

“Is this your family?” he asks, holding an old portrait. “Ah, you look cute here.”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo is sleepy, much too sleepy to fight him for touching things without permission. “I’ll grab a blanket for you. Thin or thick?”

“Anything is fine,” Chanyeol murmurs, analyzing Kyungsoo’s pile of books. He touches one of them, but Kyungsoo leaves the room. He picks up his old, big blanket, and few pillows. When he comes back, Chanyeol is reading Breakfast at Tiffany’s, standing in front of the table. Kyungsoo dusts off the couch, places the pillow in the corner and the blanket over it. Since Chanyeol looks invested with reading, Kyungsoo makes some tea and picks the biscuits and the cookies Sooyoung cooked for him, something very sweet and colorful, probably more of Chanyeol’s taste.

“Do you prefer Mint tea or Green tea?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Mint,” Chanyeol says, but his eyes are still on the book. “Isn’t this the guy who wrote that book about a real crime?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo says while picking the tea bags. “It’s the same guy, Truman Capote.”

“I watched a movie about it. He had a relationship with one of the murderers he interviewed,” Chanyeol frowns. “That’s… really creepy.”

“Ah, it is?” Kyungsoo chuckles. “When James Bond fucks one of the bad girls in his movie to get what he wants, it’s sexy.”

Chanyeol finally looks at him. He’s surprised, but he’s only expressing with his eyes. His body is in the same position.

“Hum…” he nods. “I guess it is.”

“Come drink some tea,” Kyungsoo points. “There’s leftovers too, besides the cookies. Bread and cake.”

“Ah, I want both,” he smiles, walking to the table happily. He’s still holding the book. “Baekhyun told me you’re the one baking the cakes. I really love your cakes.”

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo smiles. “You can take the book with you if you want it. I won’t use it for now.”

“Really?” Chanyeol beams. “I will return it soon, I promise.”

“Don’t worry. I bought it for a class, I don’t use it anymore,” Kyungsoo takes a sip of his tea, watching the way Chanyeol eats the cookies frenetically. “I don’t really know what you study. You said it was… audio engineering?”

“Yeah, sound engineering. Most people remember us like the weirdos on the mixing table,” Chanyeol says, still munching. “It’s very practical. Besides, you know, physics of the sound, and the technology theory. But I like it a lot. I was already used to few things before I enrolled.”

“Why did you…” Kyungsoo sighed. He’s not completely fine yet.

“Ah, new year, new me attitude,” Chanyeol answers it. Kyungsoo is grateful for his conversational skills. “I guess I was in my middle-twenties crisis and I didn’t want to spend all my life regretting not to do… what I wanted to.”

Kyungsoo nods, drinking in silence. Chanyeol… feels safe. He’s not like the family Kyungsoo has to avoid to escape the questions, or the unaware classmates asking the same shit over and over again. He’s just a guy in a similar situation. It’s kind of funny, to find things in common with him.

“Kyungsoo, can I ask you something?” he asks gingerly, wiping the corners of his mouth. “You don’t have to answer it.”

“Yes,” Kyungsooo braces himself.

“Hmmm… Were you, like… when we were in the movie theater, kind of uncomfortable because I was there?” He’s rubbing his palms on the table. “Just… you took your pin… I wanted to make sure if it wasn’t because… of me.”

Kyungsoo holds a cookie with the tip of his fingers, avoiding Chanyeol’s eyes.  

“Yes and no,” he says sincerely. “I’m not comfortable with… strangers knowing about me. Anything, really. You didn’t do anything. But I… wasn’t feeling good to be… seen by those people.”

“Ah… I see. I think… I get it,” Chanyeol moves his hand closer to Kyungsoo. “You looked so sad. I don’t know what to do to make you feel better.”

“Nothing.”

“Not my style,” Chanyeol laughs. “I don’t like doing nothing.”

Kyungsoo smiles back. Chanyeol is really an easy-going person – maybe it’s because of his face, something soothing about the way he looks funny, but attractive at the same time. He has an aggressive appearance, but when he speaks, everything softens. Kyungsoo takes a long breath. It’s getting late, he’s in his house, so…

“I… sometimes feel sad after watching his movies,” Kyungsoo says tentatively. Chanyeol stares at him with big eyes. “It’s just… he was my crush for so long and I can help, but remember I’m coming back to my boring life. I will never meet him, I won’t be friends with him. I’ll have my ordinary life, and I’m just using him to escape it… but I’m getting too old to not notice it’s just a dream.”

Chanyeol is gaping. Kyungsoo flushes.

“Sorry. I know I’m being too deep about such—”

“No, no! Fuck, I totally understand,” Chanyeol breathes out, excited. “I had those big posters of Dara all over my room, and I used to kiss them goodnight, and then I realized I was just looking for an unattainable girl to adore while I couldn’t face reality. And sometimes it hits you hard, you know? That you’re such a mediocre person next to them, and you feel like shit. And sometimes you even feel embarrassed to have those dreams when you’re like… you.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo smiles. His chest is feeling lighter, but he’s not feeling great after oversharing. “You said you didn’t like pop and now you’re telling me you like 2ne1?”

“Ah, not 2ne1. Just Dara… maybe Bom.”

“I like CL.”

“I’m leaving,” Chanyeol stands up, making an offended face, but he sits down when he sees Kyungsoo laughing. “I’m kidding. I like them all. I don’t tell anyone because now you have to be a fan of the solo career the SNSD girls, otherwise, you’re out. And… I only listen to 2ne1. I don’t understand any of these new idol things. Does Super Junior still exist? My sister was a big fan of them.”

“They do,” Kyungsoo smiles. “But I’m invested in the SNSD girls, I love the lesbian drama.”

Chanyeol laughs loudly, clapping, almost falling from the chair.

“I heard my friends talking about them every day, I mean, Jonginnie…” Chanyeol stops smiling. “Oh, let me send my roommate a message. Nini is very anxious; he’s going to be worried if I don’t warn him I’m here.”

“Okay.”

“Tell me on which side your stand,” Chanyeol says while holding his phone. “I love their gay rumors, but from I’ve heard, you have to pick one of the trio to be a fan and then hate the other two?”

“No, not at all. I mean, if you’re Jessica biased, then… and if you believe she was kicked out,” Kyungsoo snorts. “She’s my favorite, but I like to think she got over Taeyeon.”

“Funny fact: my roommate actually dates Jessica’s sister,” Chanyeol snorts. “I happen to have seen them both at his birthday party in January.”

“Really?” Kyungsoo smiles. “How does she look like in real life?”

“Thin… pretty, I guess,” Chanyeol shrugs, keeping his phone in the pocket. “Tiny. But you know, most people look tiny to me, so maybe she’s the regular size. Who knows. Do you want to meet her?”

“Not really,” Kyungsoo feels the cold wave down his shoulders. “I’m…”

It’s pretty hard to explain. Kyungsoo is shy, of course, but it’s deeper than that. Meeting someone he idolizes would be like… He’s not interesting, pretty, rich or anything like them. He would feel ashamed of himself. He feels ashamed, sometimes, when he sees their pictures.

“That’s okay,” Chanyeol nods. He’s eating the bread, now, and he spits some when he speaks, “I kind of wanna show you a few… songs. Hum, is that okay?”

“Yeah, why not?” Kyungsoo frowns. Chanyeol scratches his hair; he’s embarrassed.

“They’re… mine,” he says sheepishly. “An… and… we have to share the earbuds.”

“No problem,” Kyungsoo stands up. “I’ll just put food for the dogs and I’ll listen with you.”

Kyungsoo finishes his routine like he has no visitor in his house. Actually, he hadn’t any official one before now, just random neighbors asking for stuff or helping him with the dogs. Kyungsoo thinks absently about the long legs of his favorite neighbor while washing his hands. He finds Chanyeol sitting on the couch, and he’s definitely too big to sleep there. He smiles when he sees Kyungsoo as if they haven’t seen each other in months, not minutes and pats the space next to him. Kyungsoo sits and puts one of his earbuds in.

“I have _a SoundCloud_ , but… I never performed any of my songs live,” he says, fidgeting with a hole in the couch. “Now I’m learning how to produce them, so, I guess maybe I’ll do it… some day.”

Kyungsoo nods. The song starts slowly, and there’s a nice beat. Kyungsoo is surprised when he hears the singing – it’s… soft. He knows it’s Chanyeol’s voice, of course, but when he’s speaking, he doesn’t sound nearly like that. Kyungsoo looks at him; he looks away.

“I like it,” Kyungsoo smiles. Chanyeol shakes his legs and smiles proudly. “I’m thinking…”

“Huh?”

“You’re too big to fit here,” Kyungsoo says, and now he’s staring at his feet. “Sometimes I sleep here with my dogs. You can take the bed.”

Chanyeol makes an exaggerated face, offended and shocked.

“No way,” he shakes his head. “I would feel like shit. I can take the couch, Kyungsoo. I slept many times on the floor. I’m a musician. I’m grateful for the pillow and the blanket, too. You didn’t have to offer me those things, you weren’t prepared for…”

It’s not right, Kyungsoo knows. His mother would fry him alive if she found out he let a guest sleep on the couch. She cares too much about this type of etiquette.

“Do you mind sleeping with me?” Kyungsoo asks, and he watches, a bit annoyed, the way Chanyeol jerks back as if he has seen the devil himself. “I mean… sharing a bed…”

He has a really weird face, Kyungsoo thinks. Chanyeol is still with his eyes wide, blinking, trying to answer. _Homosexuality is not contagious_ , Kyungsoo wants to say, but he just swallows and nods when Chanyeol says a timid yes. They listen to the rest of the songs in silence. Kyungsoo has a lot of things to talk about, to the rhythm to the choice of the words, but he knows – and hits him right to realize that – Chanyeol is about to tell something. But he only spills it out when they have to actually face the bed. Kyungsoo leaves to change his clothes and he expects Chanyeol to make himself comfortable, but he finds him standing in the same position, frozen.

“What’s wrong?” Kyungsoo asks, a bit dryly.

“Can… I… take off my… jeans?” He asks gingerly.

“Yes.”

“Hum,” he nods. “And… my shirt?”

“As long you don’t sleep next to me while completely naked, yes.”

Chanyeol bites his lips and he seems a bit reluctant, so Kyungsoo waits.

“Sorry, I just have to ask,” he sighs. He is shrinking his shoulders as if he’s being intimidated. Kyungsoo, in his SNSD pajamas, tired and sleepy, is probably not the reason. “I follow Baekhyun and Jongdae on Instagram, and sometimes when I’m bored, I like checking other people’s profiles… They have a friend… and…”

He looks at Kyungsoo, gulping.

“He… His Instagram, he has a lot of pictures with you. Not recently,” Chanyeol thinks, and when he realizes the implications of what he just said, he blushes. “… sorry, I didn’t mean to be a stalker or… It’s just because there’s a lot of… intimate pictures of you…”

“You mean Sehun?” Kyungsoo is just confirming because he only let Sehun take pictures of him for social media. Also, there is no one else which would make Kyungsoo do half of the things Sehun convinced him to do.

“Yeah, him. I don’t want to be intrusive, but…” he lets out a long breath. “After all we went out together today, and now we are sharing a bed, so I don’t want to create problems for you if he… if you two…”

“We’re not a couple, he’s not even in this country,” Kyungsoo says, finally. “We haven’t… he is not my boyfriend. We never dated.”

Kyungsoo was never good at being subtle while speaking, that’s why he prefers to keep things to himself. It was obvious in his tone that something happened between them. Chanyeol seems to understand but says nothing. He is not that dumb, Kyungsoo thinks, which two besties would go on a romantic trip to Jeju, only the two of them? Sehun took pictures of everything; eating out at fancy restaurants, play dates with their dogs, any fun activity… Kyungsoo could swear Sehun had erased them after moving out.

“Ah, okay,” Chanyeol says, and he takes off his shirt. He has tan abs. Of course, he has a defined abs. Kyungsoo shakes his thoughts away and climbs in bed, placing one single pillow between him and the empty space. “Should I turn the lights off?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo says, yawning. He closes his eyes after feeling the weight in the bed. Before falling asleep, he pretends, now he can feel warmness next to him, that he’s sleeping on his foreign farm, next to his long-time husband Yifan.

 

When he wakes up, he realizes he never let someone sleep in his bed. Never. He’s lived there for almost two years, and, besides his neighbors, his brother, and a noisy classmate, no one has been even to his room. Chanyeol is sleeping deeply, mouth open, drooling, eyes not completely closed – he’s definitely not attractive. But he looks cozy, being so warm and covered to his chest; he shaves his armpits, and his stubble is visible. Kyungsoo resists the urge to touch his raspy chin. Instead, he leaves the bed to shave, brush his teeth and take a shower. He only remembers Chanyeol is still on the bed when he enters the room only in his towel. Thankfully, he is still asleep, now facing the wall. Kyungsoo puts on his comfortable clothes, feeds his dogs, and decides to make some pancakes. He has some syrup in the fridge…

When he’s finishing the eggs, Chanyeol pops up in the kitchen. He’s dressed and he looks like he washed his face.

“Can I play with the dogs?” he asks, sniffing the air. “Hmmm… smells good.”

“Yeah, but don’t tease them too much. Sometimes they pee when they’re too excited,” Kyungsoo puts the eggs in a big plate. “And come eat before the pancakes get cold.”

Chanyeol nods eagerly. He looks like he has some experience with animals, and it’s cute the way he squats to pet them. He washes his hands after carrying them around and runs to the table. Kyungsoo watches him eat, feeling somehow disconnected from reality. So that’s how married people feel? To share a bed and then a meal? To analyze an entire human being and to not feel bothered by their weirdness?

“I have a black poodle too,” he says, oily lips and sleepy eyes. “Can we have a playdate one of these days?”

“Not here,” Kyungsoo answers quickly.

“Ah, you can come to my place,” he says gently. “Jonginnie doesn’t care about dogs visiting. They can poop in his bed and he would be okay. He has strict rules about human noises, but his heart is soft when it’s about pets.”

Kyungsoo smiles politely. He never had a roommate in his life, only his family.

 “You could come today, if you want to,” Chanyeol moves his fork, playing with the eggs. “He’s at his best friend’s house this weekend. I could repay you by making spaghetti.”

“Ah, thank you,” Kyungsoo tries to say in his most casual voice. “I have to study and do a few things because this week we will be very busy at Phantasia.”

“Ah, yeah… because of the album release,” Chanyeol agrees. “But you can come after the party, next week. I think Jonginnie will be at home, but if I warn him, he doesn’t mind.”

Kyungsoo is not sure of what Chanyeol is trying to ask him to do. “I guess…?”

Chanyeol smiles, satisfied. He looks like a kid, with big, bright eyes. He doesn’t let Kyungsoo do the dishes, and he washes them while singing. Kyungsoo, of course, guides him to the door.

“Thanks for letting me spend the night,” he shakes his head up and down, like many mini-bows. “It was very nice.”

“Ah… it was nothing,” Kyungsoo frowns; what he is supposed to do now?

“So, I see you Monday?”

“Huh?”

“I’ll buy tickets to the party. Baekhyun asked me to do so…”

“Ah, of course,” Kyungsoo nods. “I’ll see you Monday, then.”

Chanyeol smiles, happy, throwing his head back. Then, abruptly, he bends down and places a small kiss on Kyungsoo’s cheek. Kyungsoo is frozen while he waves and does a weird little run to the stairs. Kyungsoo is frozen after he leaves. Kyungsoo is frozen when his hot neighbor comes next to him.

“Kyungsoo,” Namjoon claps his hands near Kyungsoo’s face. “Are you there?”

“Yes…” he blinks hard. “Yes, I am.”

“You were like a statue, man,” he smiles. “But I guess you do that sometimes. I was just checking.”

“Thank you…” Kyungsoo shakes his head. Namjoon is still standing at his door. “Can… I help you?”

 _Try not to think about porn scenarios_ , Kyungsoo thinks.

“Yes. I accidentally broke my room’s door handle,” he says. “Is it weird to ask to take a nap in your bed?”

Well, Kyungsoo guesses maybe _this_ wouldn’t happen in his farm life with Yifan.

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo survives his 10 hour marathon: 3 hours staring at papers with no focus, 2 hours too much involved with Yifan’s new radio interview, 3 hours cooking and cleaning the house and about 2 hours actually studying. He calls it a success. Namjoon is still sleeping when he finishes, so Kyungsoo turns on the television to watch his favorite cooking show on the housewife channel. His phone rings.

 

 **chanyeol:** since u don’t have an instaccount

 **chanyeol:** can I send my pets pics 4 u here???

 **chanyeol:** I’ve got like 1000 but I’ll send u only THE BEST

 **chanyeol:** (in my <3 they’re all good but sometimes they have weird faces)

 **kyungsoo:** yes

 **kyungsoo:** you don’t have to ask if it’s fanfan or dogs

 **chanyeol:** unsolicited dick pics got me traumatized

 

Kyungsoo snorts. He stands up to get some wine, and when he picks up his phone again, Chanyeol already sent many pictures. There’s a small poodle in most of them, but sometimes a few big dogs appear.

 

 **kyungsoo:** they’re really cute

 **kyungsoo:** I thought you had only one dog

 **kyungsoo:** I appreciate you broke the violent cycle of surprise dick pics

 **chanyeol:** jesus you can write an entire sentence here I’m shocked

 **chanyeol:** like if I got 2 emoticons from you I would be a happy man

 **chanyeol:** ah, my only son is toben the black one

 **chanyeol:** the rest is from nini my roommate

 **chanyeol:** we are a house ruled by dogs

 **chanyeol:** we both sleep w/ them in bed

 **chanyeol:** when his gf comes to visit she sleeps on the couch

 **chanyeol:** while he sleeps with his dogs

 **chanyeol:** (he only has a gf because he is a solid 10+abs)

 **chanyeol:** (he’s… like a bear he just hibernates and eats)

 

Kyungsoo laughs so hard that he spits his wine and he has to wipe his chin before he taints his shirt. The girl on the television is cutting meat, and he realizes he forgot to pay attention to write the recipe down.

 

 **chanyeol:** ah, sometimes I get surprise ass pics too?

 **chanyeol:** and boobs, but never bare

 **chanyeol:** and messages like… choke me w/ ur big hands

 **chanyeol:** they keep asking the size of my dick

 **chanyeol:** like in 2030 this will be like… how someone’s parents met

 

Kyungsoo laughs again, but he knows he has to be quick – they always return to the entire recipe at the end of the show.

 

 **kyungsoo:** hey can I call you instead of texting?

 **kyungsoo:** I’ll put on speakerphone

 **kyungsoo:** I’m watching a show and I want to write a recipe

 **chanyeol:** BOY!!!!! OFC YOU CAN

 **chanyeol:** (⊙ꇴ⊙) ٩(^ᴗ^)۶

 **chanyeol:** this is like a dream came true, this is my lucky day

 **chanyeol:** are you drunk or something??????

 **kyungsoo:** I’m drinking wine

 **chanyeol:** DAMN

 **chanyeol:** you could have lied

 

Kyungsoo is still chuckling when he calls. He places the phone on the couch next to him, and his post-it and pen. Chanyeol answers fast.

“ _Hey_ ,” he said, a bit breathless. “ _Are you listening?_ ”

“Perfectly,” Kyungsoo answers.

“ _So… hmmm_ ,” Chanyeol seems to be near a window. Kyungsoo can hear the wind. “ _Listen, it’s too terrifying talking to you, I shouldn’t have agreed_.”

“Oh, really, why?” Kyungsoo is waiting – not for his answer, but for the end of the break. Now, a woman in a swimsuit is trying to sell him a weird cocktail. Kyungsoo stares at his wine. It’s cheap, but he’s fine.

“ _Uh, I don’t know man, you’re too cool. I feel like I’m being asked with the popular kids in the school_.”

“What? Are you on drugs?”

“ _Well, I took a nap earlier. I’m still half asleep_.”

Kyungsoo suddenly remembers Namjoon in his room. He drinks a sip of his wine and stares at the shiny Mac and cheese advertisement, just to focus on something else. The break ends.

“Ah, finally,” he says.

“ _What?_ ” Chanyeol sounds confused.

“They’re going to rewind what they have done,” Kyungsoo mumbles, grabbing the post-it. “They’re teaching tricks to a better barbecue.”

“ _Are you really watching cooking shows? I thought you were joking_ ,” Chanyeol laughs; the phone makes an odd sound. “ _Hey, if you come next week you can cook here. We have a nice kitchen, but we almost never use it. I cook sometimes, but only… huh, simple things? I don’t know the name of half of the things here_.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Kyungsoo mumbles absently. He’s writing down as fast as he can.

“ _Really? Wow, that’s nice! I’ll buy nicer food supplies, then,”_ Chanyeol stops talking for few seconds, but Kyungsoo barely acknowledges this. “ _I’m going to warn Nini too. He likes to dance half-naked in the house… I don’t think you would mind but… he’s with his friend all the time and that guy is a devil sometimes…_ ”

The frame changes before Kyungsoo finishes writing. He lets out a deep, frustrated sigh.

“ _Sorry, I’m boring you, right?_ ”

“Huh?” Kyungsoo blinks. “No. I was too slow and missed few parts of the—”

“Hey, Kyungsoo,” Namjoon walks in the room. His hair is a mess and his eyes are puffy; he looks cute and disorientated. “I’m sorry, I thought… Did I oversleep? I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t worry,” Kyungsoo smiles, looking down. “I was studying all day long. You haven’t bothered me.”

“Ah, anyway, thank you, after not sleeping last night and… all that mess today, I was really sleepy. Thanks for letting me stay.”

“No problem, you do a lot of nice things for me too,” Kyungsoo says. It’s the truth. Namjoon fixed Kyungsoo’s shower, he takes care of the dogs while Kyungsoo visits his parents, and he helps by taking out the trash when Kyungsoo is too tired. He’s a nice neighbor – Kyungsoo wasn’t expecting that at all. His parents live in a okay place, not rich, but a nice place; his family never had a close relationship with neighbors. Kyungsoo found out that broke people survive by helping each other.

Namjoon bows and waves, leaving after Kyungsoo waved back to him. On tv, a news report says something about Tiffany’s concert.

“ _Huh… Am I interrupting something?_ ” Chanyeol’s voice says. Kyungsoo almost drops the glass to the ground.

“Ah, no, sorry, I forgot you were still on the line,” he answers quickly. “My neighbor was sleeping here because he broke his door handle.”

“ _Ah, you don’t have to explain yourself_ ,” Chanyeol says in a tiny voice. It’s weird to listen to him talking like that. “ _You can hang up if you want too. I don’t want to interrupt anything.”_

“I’m not doing anything. Besides… drinking wine,” Kyungsoo says, and he surprises himself. He doesn’t like to talk on the phone. “I’m also procrastinating.”

“ _Ah, you don’t look like someone who procrastinates. You sound so_ …”

“Boring?”

“ _No. I don’t know how to explain in one word, but you look like you know everything you have to do, and how to do it. I mean, not tough, but determined. Independent, I guess_.”

Kyungsoo lies on the couch, hand strategically positioned close to the table, just in case he is too drunk. He stares at the half-empty glass. He doesn’t know what to say – he knows he can’t control the way people see him, but… it’s too far from the truth to be comfortable.

“I have no idea of what I’m doing,” Kyungsoo sighs.

“ _I don’t either. But I like that? I mean, more space so I can do whatever I want to._ ”

“I hate traffic, loud sounds, having to study bullshit. I wished I lived on a farm. Just far away from here.”

“ _Ah, honey and strawberry farm? The lesbian dream?_ ”

Kyungsoo snorts.

“Maybe. I spend too many time with lesbians.”

Chanyeol laughs too.

“ _Well, it sounds nice. I would probably die at a place like that, but… I don’t know, man. Have you thought you won’t get takoyaki at any time of day?”_

“I can cook it.”

“ _Good point. But it would be a lot harder to get to see Yifan movies. And to buy his albums!”_

“I wouldn’t spend too much money on him.” Kyungsoo doesn’t have to tell him that Yifan is living on the farm in his daydream – often shirtless and sweaty, working hard, but still flawless.

“ _Huh… I… guess you have everything figured out, then,”_ Chanyeol laughs. _“It’s a pity. You’re nice company. I’ll miss you.”_

Kyungsoo smiles. He misses Chanyeol too. His voice is so soothing, and he was warm in the bed. Kyungsoo wishes he was there, next to him on the couch, legs entangled… maybe kissing. It would be… good.

“I have to sleep,” Kyungsoo says, embarrassed by his mind wandering. “Sorry. It was the wine.”

“ _Ah, today was nice. See you Monday.”_

“See you,” Kyungsoo answers, and hangs up.

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo can’t study, really. He’s not in the mood. To compensate the hours of psychological torture in front of a book, he decides to bake a cake. He doesn’t buy expensive ingredients usually, but since the party is coming, he is going to treat himself and pretend he is a great cook. He goes to the mall, not the small store next to his house. Kyungsoo only realizes his mistake when he gets there.

It’s Sunday. The mall is full of families and couples.

He walks inside trying to shoo away the usual feeling of being an alien. A group of kids run around, noisy and unaware of people around them. Kyungsoo takes a long breath and tries to dodge the human contact. He has to, unfortunately, buy the chocolate and the cream in a specialized store inside the mall. He walks fast, straightforward, without staring at anyone in his way. He stops at the door of the store; it’s crowded.

Kyungsoo discusses internally if he should go in, or just bake his cake like any other day (he already has the fresh strawberries, anyway). And then, he hears a familiar voice.

It’s Chanyeol. Kyungsoo must be very distracted to not notice him, standing next to the heart-shaped boxes; it’s an entire shelf of couples’ gifts. Next to him, a hand around his back, a girl is pointing him towards something. She must be Kyungsoo’s height because, in her high heels, she’s not so short. She’s beautiful, thin, has long black hair. While inspecting her, he notices Chanyeol holding fancy bags – they’re from a make-up store. It would be funny if it was someone else: a man like him, tall and disheveled, in a baggy jumper and raggedy jeans, holding fine, expensive looking pink make-up bags. But now, Kyungsoo feels even more out of place.

He runs away before someone sees him.

On the way home, he buys the regular chocolate bar and the cream. He buys another wine bottle too, and he lets his pets freely to walk around the house while he drinks. To feel better, he only has his old Amber albums and his favorite videos of Yifan doing stupid things.

He misses Monday classes. He wakes up late, his body working against him. His back hurts, his eyes are foggy, and he feels small, poor, stupid, empty. It’s not just because he developed a small crush on a straight guy – the entire scene of watching Chanyeol and his girlfriend was everything Kyungsoo would never have, he would never be. That’s the reason he prefers to daydream about Yifan; he will never have a chance to see that happening. In his happy farm, he doesn’t have to deal with any part of reality.

 

 

Kyungsoo won’t miss work. The Capricorn Police will sue him and takes his Zodiac Sign’s license, and, after all, his biggest job at the store is to sit there and look pretty. He is very aware he is a part of a misandric joke. He finds his brother’s old sweater while putting the blankets in the closet. He knows he has to use pink, so he puts the sweater on, picks out his thin-framed glasses and his big old bag.

It’s a cloudy day. Almost one o’clock, he opens the store and the place is still a mess. There’s a new sign on the door: _We’re getting ready to party! We won’t be pretty until then!_

Kyungsoo would laugh, but he’s too tired. He sits behind the counter and watches a few cooking videos. The lesbian (blue) kit is sold out in the first two hours. Kyungsoo is not impressed; not only are there a few kits, but every girl who visited the store appears. Even the tiny one – Kyungsoo’s suspects she gave him a fake ID. She’s lucky. He’s too sad to care.

Two loud guys come in at 4 pm. They’re probably friends with Baekhyun and Jongdae, and they buy four bisexual kits (purple). One of them asks for tea and cake.

“No cake today, sorry,” Kyungsoo says, but he’s not sorry. He knows he couldn’t cook anything nice while being sad. You can’t lie to food.

He’s thinking about wine and Namjoon in shorts when Sugar Daddy comes in. Kyungsoo was too distracted to notice him parking his huge car. He opens the door with a big smile, his hair shining, his clothes as fine and expensive as ever. Kyungsoo feels like a trashcan.

“Please tell me there are gay kits yet,” he says. “I left my work early just to buy it.”

“Yes, there is. The gays haven’t come yet,” Kyungsoo informs him dryly. As ever, Sugar Daddy gives him real money and expects no change, but Kyungsoo gives it to him anyway.

“We’re not open for donations,” Kyungsoo says, sarcastic. “But thanks.”

“Ah,” he blushes. He is cute, after all. “I just wanted to apologize. I may have given you the wrong impression. I asked you out because I don’t have much… err… _different friends_. I just wanted to talk and spend a nice time with you, because you’re cool. I’m really sorry if I sounded like I was making a… indecent proposal.”

Kyungsoo stares at him for long seconds. He has no answer to give, so he nods.

“That means you forgive me?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure,” Sugar Daddy scratches his head. “You look like you really don’t like me.”

“I don’t like anyone,” Kyungsoo deadpans. “Nothing personal.”

 

 

5 pm. A smiling man enters the store; Shy hottie walks after him, looking worried. The girls are too busy carrying things, running around. Everyone has to face Kyungsoo if they want something; even if today, Kyungsoo is the opposite of a good employee.

“Hi,” the smiling guys says, approaching Kyungsoo. Shy hottie looks around, shocked with the store’s physical state. “I want to buy entries for the Minseok album release party.”

“Which kit? We have blue, pink and purple,” Kyungsoo shows him. The guy inspects them smiling and clapping his hands cutely.

“I want two! Both pink,” he points. “For me and for my boyfriend.”

That makes Kyungsoo react. He stares at Shy Hottie, a bit lost in the middle of the remaining shelves.

“Ah, no, _not him_ ,” the guy laughs. “He’s my friend. My boyfriend is not here. I thought I could buy for him…”

“You can buy two kits,” Kyungsoo agrees, embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

“Ah, I don’t mind. My name is Taemin, by the way,” he says, passing his fingers through his hair. The sleeves of his sweater are too long and Kyngsoo can only see his fingers; he’s using a lot of rings. “Everybody thinks we’re dating. My boyfriend says he accepted he is being cheated on.”

Kyungsoo wants to say a venomous comment about Shy Hottie’s facebook status. But he won’t.

“Here,” Kyungsoo gives him the bags and takes the card Taemin gave him. “Credit?”

“Yes,” Taemin smiles and talks while typing. “You’re cute, by the way. _He_ thinks that too. He’s too shy to come to the party and say that to your face.”

Kyungsoo lifts one eyebrow. Fuck it.

“No straight people allowed.”

“Ah, you have noticed…?” Taemin laughs. “He’s not straight. He dates a girl and he thinks it’s bad to say he’s bi while dating her. Like, he thinks he’s cheating or something. Kind of dumb, isn’t it?”

Shy Hottie must have a sixth sense or very good ears because he sticks his head out of the place he was hiding, suspicious.

“Very dumb,” Kyungsoo nods and gives back the card. Taemin laughs hard and Shy Hottie narrows his eyes at them.

“Taemin, what are you doing?” he asks.

“Do you think he’s cute?” Taemin asks, completely ignoring his friend.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo says with no regret.

“See, Jonginnie,” Taemin turns, pointing. “He thinks you’re cute too.”

Shy Hottie seems to have a light stroke; he runs to his friend and grabs him by the ear.

“You devil, what the hell,” he says angrily. Taemin is laughing and whining at the same time. It’s a confusing scene. “All you do is embarrass me, why do I even allow you to—”

“He puts on perfume every time—” Taemin tries to say, but Shy Hottie kicks him.

“I’m really sorry,” he says, still pushing his friend by the ear. “We’re leaving, thanks.”

Kyungsoo watches them leave, speechless. He sits with Jongdae to watch Baekhyun’s Instagram videos; they’re drinking Fennel tea, and the girls are drinking chamomile, so the store feels a lot lighter. Baekhyun is half-screaming, half-crying on the screen when Chanyeol almost kicks down the door trying to get in faster. He sees the two boys sitting quietly and he breaks into a wide smile, full of teeth. Kyungsoo thinks he looks like an old lady like that. Unfortunately, Chanyeol looks good – he’s in jeans-and-converse, but he’s also wearing an actually washed band shirt and a sports jacket (!!!!) over it. His bag isn’t his regular one, but a fancy dark messenger bag. Even his crazy permed hair is different, now shiny and straight.

“Ah, I’m glad your still open,” Chanyeol walks to them, sunglasses hanging on his shirt. “I want two purple kits.”

“Hmmm. Too bad,” Jongdae shrugs. “Sold out.”

Kyungsoo sips his tea and enjoys the pain on Chanyeol’s face. Jongdae laughs.

“He’s just trolling you,” Sooyoung informs Chanyeol, passing through the room with a box full of glitter sacks. “He stole the four kits Baekhyun needs.”

“Don’t do this, man. You know Baekhyun would eat me alive,” Chanyeol says, sighing. “Well, I need one for me too.”

Kyungsoo stops drinking. He observes in silence the transaction, and how Chanyeol coos over the post it and the bag. He takes the rainbow pin (it has “PHANTASIA LP BOOKS” written on it) from inside, and beams.

“I spend all day long recording,” he tells them, and Kyungsoo is still hypnotized by the way his long fingers are applying the pin on the bag. “I’m tired, but at least I got the kits. Huh, but I guess I am too late to eat the cake…”

“Kyungsoo didn’t bake a cake for today,” Jongdae side-eyes Kyungsoo. “He’s in a bad mood.”

Kyungsoo wants to drown in that tea mug. Chanyeol looks at him worriedly.

“Really?” He gets close to the counter. Jongdae seems ready to watch a movie; Yuri suddenly appears on the stairs. “I have my sister’s car today. I was thinking maybe we could dinner somewhere and I could drive you home.”

“Ah, nice try,” Jongdae laughs. “Kyungsoo doesn’t let anyone near his house. He keeps bodies hidden in that place. Maybe it’s a clause of the contract he signed with the devil.”

“I spent Saturday night there, no bodies or blood in sight,” Chanyeol says, confused. Kyungsoo regrets being hungover and too lethargic to stop this mess. Yuri widens her eyes so much that Kyungsoo can see it, even with his astigmatism, in the distance from the stairs. Hyoyeon pops up from the hell where she was hidden.

“I’m busy today, thank you,” Kyungsoo says dryly. “I let him sleep there because it was too late for him to go home by himself.”

Hyoyeon is offended, mouth hanging open like Kyungsoo just announced he hates Jessica and Taeyeon is his new favorite. Sooyoung smiles, a hand on her waist.

“Oh, okay,” Chanyeol mumbles. He’s doing that sad puppy face again. He opens his messenger bag and takes a box from inside. “That’s for you. I want to… say thanks because you cooked me breakfast.”

It’s a heart-shaped chocolate box.

Jongdae lets out one of his famous screeches and the sound covers the “YOU COOKED HIM BREAKFAST??” from a really, really shocked Hyoyeon; Sooyoung has to hold her in place and covers her mouth. Chanyeol looks amused with the mess, not weirded out.

“You guys are funny,” he says, oblivious.

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo says, fast, trying to not get flushed. “You didn’t have to.”

Chanyeol gets red, and that’s it, Kyungsoo has to put an end to this public humiliation. He turns back and re-starts Baekhyun’s video like no one else is looking at him. Jongdae obviously is distracted by his boyfriend’s screams, the girls give up on spying on them. Chanyeol keeps standing next to them, in silence.

“Damn,” Jongdae almost screams when Baekhyun throws a tiny pride flag on the stage’s floor. Tiffany picks it up and waves happily, for a second. Baekhyun almost faints in excitement, babbling nonsense things to the camera. Kyungsoo looks to his side, and Chanyeol is still there, staring at him.

“Sorry,” Chanyeol blinks. “I’ll… see you, then?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo mutters. The box is still over the counter. Chanyeol nods and leaves, looking at least a head shorter than he is. When the door closes, Jongdae asks casually.

“Why are you being a dick to him?”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” Yuri’s voice comes from upstairs.

“Is he bad in… _you know_?” Hyoyeon is speaking too, but Kyungsoo has no idea of where she is. “Is he one of these dudes who doesn’t do oral?”

“Nothing happened,” Kyungsoo says, loud and clear. “He just spent the night. I wasn’t going to kick him out. I was just being polite.”

“How come you never cook us breakfast?” Yuri complains.

“Not even a kiss?” Sooyoung asks through the speaker. “The guy bought the bi kit, don’t lie to us!”

“I saw him with a girl in the mall,” Kyungsoo says, finally. Jongdae makes an odd face, and he seems like he is realizing something.

“Ah, no! I was secretly cheering for him,” Sooyoung voice echoes. “He’s just playing games with your heart.”

“Trust no man!” Hyoyeon screams.

“I’m a man,” Kyungsoo says, tired.

“Don’t trust yourself, then,” she points. _Well, it’s okay advice_ , he thinks. “I mean. I don’t trust you! I knew your introvert ass was lying about being busy. What could you possibly do on a Monday night? Go to those parties where everyone sits and listen to their own music player?”

 

 

Ten minutes before the store closes, Disney princess and a really tall man in all black come in. The man is old enough to be his father, and they walk straight to Kyungsoo.

“Two pink kits for him and two for me too, please,” he smiles. Kyungsoo gives them to him, confused. First, Disney Princess disappears, now he knows about the party and the tickets. Weird. The older man gives Kyungsoo the money.

“Do you know this ticket is just for the party, right?” Kyungsoo frowns.

“Yes,” Disney Princess laughs. “I know. I’m from the Minseok’s Chinese fan club, so I already bought my album.”

“We won’t sell alcohol too.”

“I know! I read the entire thing on Instagram,” Disney Princess shakes his hands. He’s in Adidas clothing from head to toe. “Don’t worry.”

Kyungsoo chuckles. He is somewhat funny, a series of contrasting elements. Disney Princess seems satisfied he made Kyungsoo smile.

“Ah, you’re so different when you’re smiling,” he says. “Still don’t wanna go out with me?”

“It depends,” Kyungsoo says defiantly. “Are you dating someone?”

Disney princess widens his eyes, surprised, then, lowers his head, nodding.

“Yeah. Is there a problem? I’m not going to do anything. It’s just going out.”

Jongdae comes out from whatever place he was hiding in that mess of store to slap Disney Princess’ arm. Kyungsoo gives up of having any privacy.

“I trusted you,” Jongdae says, offended. “I can’t believe you!”

“Hey, I’m not married, okay? I’m seeing someone who can’t have anything serious. I can date casually!”

“Yeah, nice, but I’m not interested,” Kyungsoo clarifies. “Thanks anyway.”

Jongdae stays there, narrowed eyes and offended face until they leave.

“What’s up with the other guy?” he asks Kyungsoo. “He looked like a secret agent or something.”

“Maybe the police are spying on us,” Yuri says, and she puts down lots of balloons sacks. “So, we need a machine to inflate this, otherwise we’ll blow our lungs.”

“I’ll find one,” Jongdae nods. “Are we free to go?”

“I guess. Tomorrow we’ll have more work to do.”

 

 

The kids and the tickets sell out in two days. Kyungsoo bakes a small cake just so he won’t waste the strawberries. The chocolate box is on the kitchen table, and Kyungsoo is still deciding what he’s going to do with it. 

On Wednesday night, while he’s studying for an audition, his phone vibrates.

 

 **chanyeol:** hey

 **chanyeol:** are u still in a bad mood? :(

 **chanyeol:** I hope I’m not bothering you

 **kyungsoo:** I’m reading

 **kyungsoo:** so I can’t talk too much

 **chanyeol:** no, I just want to ask u smthing

 **chanyeol:** my sister works for a magazine

 **chanyeol:** she was invited to eat in a nice place

 **chanyeol:** but she’s pregnant!! It’s sea food!!

 **chanyeol:** so I thought maybe u wanna go

 **chanyeol:** cuz I know shit abt fancy things

 **chanyeol:** you can take someone if u want to!

 **chanyeol:** I would give to nini, my roomate

 **chanyeol:** but he has a game tomorrow

 **kyungsoo:** you have two tickets?

 **chanyeol:** I can put two names on the list :)

 **chanyeol:** It’s the restaurant that singer owns, Jin

 **kyungsoo:** ah, I know which one

 **chanyeol:** that’s okay if u can’t go

 **chanyeol:** you guys must be tired cause of the party!!

 **kyungsoo:** you’re giving me the tickets because you can’t go?

 **chanyeol:** I’m free

 **chanyeol:** but I guess u would enjoy more

 **chanyeol:** I don’t have etiquette while eating

 **chanyeol:** that’s what my mother says

 **kyungsoo:** I want to go, I don’t have anyone to invite

 **chanyeol:** wow, so u wouldn’t mind if I go w/ u???

 **chanyeol:** I wanted to ask you to come with me

 **chanyeol:** but you were mad

 **chanyeol:** sometimes you’re scary

 **chanyeol:** in a good way!!! Like cute scary

 **chanyeol:** I made you mad again didn’t I

 **chanyeol:** sorry

 

Kyungsoo snorts. He considers Chanyeol’s proposal. Baekhyun said he wasn’t sure if Chanyeol was dating anyone because he flirted a lot. Maybe it was just his way of being friendly. After all, Kyungsoo doesn’t eat out since Sehun moved; he misses eating nice things instead of just baking and cooking. It won’t be so crazy if he spends a few hours not-working or not-studying. He will feel guilty, but…

 

 **kyungsoo:** ok. When?

 **chanyeol:** tomorrow? I can pick u up at the store

 **kyungsoo:** fine.

 **kyungsoo:** do I have to dress up?

 **chanyeol:** well, I won’t

 **chanyeol:** but you look cute in pink ♡ඩ⌔ඩ♡

 **kyungsoo:** …………………….

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo is not going on a date.

He repeats this many times in his mind. He never cares about his clothes; so why he is choosing his new ones? He washes his hair, puts on perfume, picks his least used glasses. He’s… he can’t look like an alien in this restaurant. He already feels like shit in public places; in a fancy one, it will be worse. He puts on his plain black new shirt, his black skinny jeans (only one rip in the knee) and his best sneakers. He looks casual, not horribly broke and sad. That’s good.

Jongdae disagrees. And today he has his noisy boyfriend back.

“Looking good to see your boyfriend,” Baekhyun says, almost laying over the counter. “Did you guys have a good time snuggling in your bed?”

“Don’t you have anything else to do?” Kyungsoo hits the drawer the hardest he can, and Baekhyun loses his equilibrium, almost falling on the ground. “Like… anything else.”

“I’m being a supportive partner and helping my man,” he says, fake serious. “Also, I’m really curious about how Chanyeol got so far with you.”

“Why don’t you talk to me about the concert instead?” Kyungsoo tries.

“I could. I’ve been bragging for the last few days,” he admits. “But seriously, are you really going to date him? I have to know because he already can’t shut up about you. I will avoid him for the next few months”

“Don’t you think this is ironic?” Kyungsoo asks sincerely. Baekhyun scratches his nose.

“How?”

“Nothing,” Kyungsoo moves his hand dismissively. “We’re not dating. I just made a friend. I do that, once in a blue moon.”

“Listen, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun makes a weird pose as if he’s giving a lecture. “I have a lot of popularity among girls, but not boys. If I had as many fanboys as you have, I would enjoy my time, you see.”

“I can hear you,” Jongdae says in the speaker.

“Good. Be attentive and work harder to not lose all of this,” he points to himself. “I would certainly steal hearts if I did my Taeyeon impersonation at the party. You’re lucky I’m too tired.”

Yuri comes to them, and she frowns.

“Do girls really like you? I’m glad I’m not straight,” she says, reflexive. “I’m going to buy a few snacks. Do you guys need something? Ah, Kyungsoo, when your boyfriend comes with the air pump, help Jongdae with the balloons.”

Baekhyun laughs exaggeratedly. He annoys Kyungsoo, but he is better with the people looking for music-related things. It’s about time Hyoyeon hires him. Chanyeol comes with the air pump. He’s just like every day, but he has better shoes on, and a nice coat. He waves at Kyungsoo before disappearing upstairs and Sooyoung wriggles her eyebrows at him.

He has to apologize to every person who comes to buy the tickets and to explain that they can buy the album any other day after the party. Hyoyeon suffers a small accident while fixing the lights and cuts her hands with a broken lamp. Kyungsoo finishes her job and he is very sweaty after it. Chanyeol helps Sooyoung with the sound installation, and apparently, they were doing everything wrong. He spends two hours fixing the problems, while Kyungsoo and Yuri revise every part of the store. Baekhyun and Jongdae are taking away the shelves and the book, and Sooyoung asks for help to clean the floor and the walls.

 

 

They only finish everything at almost midnight.

“Hey,” Chanyeol says, his hair sticking in his sweaty forehead. “I guess it’s too late for us to go now, right?”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo nods; he forgot Chanyeol wasn’t an employee and he wasn’t used to this. “Sorry.”

“No problem,” he smiles softly. Since they’re just standing in the middle of the room, Kyungsoo doesn’t really know what to do. Hyoyeon is just carrying the mattress with Jongdae’s help.

“We are going to sleep here,” Kyungsoo warns him. “Because tomorrow we have to finish everything early. You don’t have to stay.”

“Your cab is on me,” Sooyoung says, waving. “It’s our way to say sorry for ruining your date.”

Chanyeol laughs.

“No, guys. No need,” he stares at Kyungsoo. “Huh… Can’t I sleep here too?”

“What?” Kyungsoo blinks.

“Of fucking course, you can!” Baekhyun says, running down the stairs. “The girls will sleep upstairs and me and Jongdae will take the storage. You guys can sleep here.”

Kyungsoo glares at him.

“It will be no problem to share the bed… right?” Baekhyun lifts an eyebrow to Kyungsoo. “We only have two single mattresses, besides the carpet the girls are going to sleep on.”

“No problem for me,” Chanyeol smiles.

Kyungsoo sighs. He doesn’t even bother to answer, just brings the mattress down, settling him in the place the shelves used to be. It’s the safest place, far away from the door and the windows. Chanyeol doesn’t take off all his clothes, and Kyungsoo hates himself for choosing the skinny pants. If something happens, they will find him in his underwear sleeping next to Chanyeol.

“I can sleep on the ground,” he says. Kyungsoo dismisses him with a gesture and lays on the left side of the mattress. Chanyeol lays next to him happily.

“This is so exciting,” he says, tucking his hands under his head. “I feel like I’m a kid breaking the rules.”

“Well, having to sleep at work seems pretty sad to me,” Kyungsoo yawns.

“Ah, I don’t know,” Chanyeol is looking at the ceiling like he’s reading something. “I think it’s nice to do something out of the ordinary, you know. Anything different is good.”

Kyungsoo strongly disagrees, but he’s not awake enough to talk back.

“This has been a very crazy year for me,” Chanyeol says quietly. “I like that.”

Kyungsoo stares at him. Chanyeol finally notices, so he turns his body to look back at Kyungsoo. Even in his sleepy state, Kyungsoo feels weird with the proximity, so he asks, just to break the silence:

“Why?”

“Huh, I’m… choosing to do different things. To break up with the past. I mean, I let go of a lot of things last year,” his tone is suddenly serious. “I had to let many things die, and bury them myself after. But now the storm has ended, new possibilities are growing.”

He chuckles and points to the pride flag.

“Like a rainbow. Like a rainbow after a storm.”

“What happened?” Kyungsoo rubs his eyes, trying to find a better position while Chanyeol turns his entire body to face him. “Did somebody… die?”

“Well, an old uncle of mine did, but I wasn’t talking about that. I… was talking about those… projects… hmmm… dreams,” Chanyeol says slowly and he seems positively surprised to see Kyungsoo paying attention to him. “I was in love with a person for a long time… and this feeling died, but I kept holding on to the idea of being in love because it was better than facing reality. My job made me really sad, you see… to create music for other people. I felt like I was giving a part of me to everyone instead of… I… I also was sacrificing many… parts of my identity to be in places… to be around people who didn’t care about me. So I had to abandon all of these things and to kill the projections I’ve made before. I’ve been starting new, and it’s great. It’s really great to… feel alive again after mourning.”

His eyes are shining like he’s a manga character. Kyungsoo really likes his voice.

“Sorry. I talk too much.”

“No problem,” Kyungsoo smiles.

“I wish you talked more, I’m always afraid I may be taking over your space.”

“I don’t have anything interesting to say…” Kyungsoo mumbles. He’s boring. His life is boring. His future is probably boring too.

“How can you say that,” Chanyeol sighs. “This type of thing infuriates me.”

“It’s true,” Kyungsoo tries to shrug, but he can only do it with the right shoulder. “I live a regular life.”

“I think you think like that. If you change your perspective, then nothing is really regular.”

“Like sleeping on the floor?”

“Yeah, pretty much. What’s the fun in sleeping in a bed every night?”

Kyungsoo snorts; Chanyeol smiles, satisfied. Kyungsoo wants to just close his eyes and sleep, but he’s feeling too comfortable like this, with Chanyeol’s warmness and his soft gaze. For some reason, Kyungsoo wishes Chanyeol kept talking, but then he comes closer, near to Kyungsoo’s face and his breathing is a bit erratic.

He’s waiting for an answer. Kyungsoo knows it. Kyungsoo thinks as he breaks the distance, that he may have one nice thing after all. Just one thing.

It’s a sloppy kiss. Chanyeol’s cologne is too sweet, his lips are dry and rough and the position is not the best – but something in the silence of the store or maybe in the fact his heart is beating fast makes up for it. They can’t really do anything further than this, so Chanyeol throws one arm around Kyungsoo and rubs their noses together. It’s a cute, but sleepy gesture and Kyungsoo lets himself fall asleep after.

 

 

He wakes up with many noises around him. The girls are already working, and Chanyeol is nowhere to be seen. Kyungsoo sits on the mattress, confused for few minutes. Baekhyun and Jongdae enter the store, arms full of groceries bags.

“Hey, sleeping beauty woke up,” Jongdae smiles. “Your prince left earlier. His roommate got hurt yesterday.”

“He said he didn’t want to wake you up because you were sleeping cutely,” Sooyoung moves her head, smiling. “You two looked so cute sleeping together!”

“Her romantic heart was about to explode,” Hyoyeon says fondly. The boys are already eating. Kyungsoo ignores them, put his pants on and eats with them. He goes home in a hurry because he has to return before the party. He will only have time to take a bath and get ready and then come back.

 

 

Namjoon is waiting at his door.

“Ah, sorry. I noticed you haven’t been at home, so I used the keys to feed the boys,” he explains. “Now I’m saying it out loud, it sounds like I’m a creep…”

“No problem,” Kyungsoo bows. “I’m really thankful. I got stuck at work last night.”

“Ah, I understand. I work in the evenings, but I’m dating a person who works until late, now I’m having late nights too…”

 _Of course_ , he is dating. Everybody is dating but Kyungsoo.

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo says, anyway, because he’s not bitter. He takes a nice shower, and when he picks up his dirty clothes, there's a note in them.

_Don’t use the Khaki pants, don’t let the straights look better than you – ~~Hyoyeon~~ GOD_

Kyungsoo snorts, but he doesn’t really put effort in his look. There will be drags, he can’t compete with them. He has trouble carrying two cakes by himself, but the cab driver is nice and helps him; Kyungsoo thinks, absently, about how he’s used to doing all things by himself. He’s alone most of the time, even when he’s in a crowded place, and while this offers him comfort, everything seems distant. Like he can’t reach anyone or anything – if there’s no one observing him, if no one can witness his life, how can he be sure he’s _really_ living what he’s living?

That’s the reason Kyungsoo is the worst at parties – who thinks these types of things before “having fun”?

Kyungsoo asks the driver to stop a street before – he knows there’s a new sign today: _gay-lesbian-bi solidarity party! Also, Minseok’s album release!_ He equilibrates the cakes while he can already hear the girls screaming. Yuri is making some cute milkshakes and Sooyoung is getting ready, dressed like an Idol. The disco ball changes the entire appearance of the room and no one would be able to tell it was a bookstore just a few hours before; the place smells like strawberry and _I Just Wanna Dance_ , from Tiffany, is playing on the speaker.

“Hey honey, let me carry this for you,” Hyoyeon picks one cake. “The strawberry one?”

“Yes, with chocolate,” Kyungsoo nods. He finally opened Chanyeol’s chocolate box. “Put it in the fridge.”

“Nice,” she smiles. “Jongdae is coming with the security guys. Can you check the supplies in the basement and help Yuri?”

“Yeah, of course.”

 

Kyungsoo is so busy with Yuri that he only notices the talking noise after two hours. It just hits him the party started, and suddenly he just wants to be there, in the basement. Yuri drags him, assuring him there’s nothing else for him to do. Kyungsoo emerges into the room a bit shocked, the lights hurting his eyes, the music a bit too loud. He can see a few familiar faces but most are different people. Glitter and boots everywhere, he feels like an alien again. The small stage is empty, and people are standing in line to buy the album, empty tote bags in hand. Kyungsoo himself has to buy, but he’s not in a hurry. He asks Yuri for a milkshake, so he has something to hold onto.

“Can you do it for me? Stay here,” she asks him back, screaming near his ear. “Sooyoung is having trouble in the dressing room.”

“Okay,” he screams back, taking her place. Few people ask for cake slices because they’re playing SNSD’s old hits, too good to not dance to. He enjoys himself watching Jongdae’s ridiculous dance with Sugar Daddy. Kyungsoo finds people from his classes in the crowd and for the first time, he’s not feeling particularly embarrassed to be seen there. Someone asks for a coffee milkshake, and when Kyungsoo looks at their face, they’re using a mask, under a big black sweater. Well, it’s good to know he’s not the only one who wants to hide. The man puts the straw under the mask, for god’s sake. He walks away and, to his surprise, he stands next to Disney princess. Baekhyun is running from one side to another, always carrying something like high-heels shoes, dresses, and wigs. The drags must be freaking out in their improvised dressing room.

Slow songs replace the pop ones. Few people sit down, and Jongdae asks If Kyungsoo wants to trade place.

“You can have some fun,” he says, biting the straw of his milkshake. “Go dance, man. I got your back.”

“No need,” Kyungsoo smiles. “I don’t want to dance.”

“Really? They’re playing Jessica,” Jongdae winks, but he knows it’s futile. “You will have to leave this place when the drag show starts.”

“Fine,” Kyungsoo nods, and walks away to cut a slice for a girl in a rainbow dress. The party is going really good; everybody is talking and having fun, even the people waiting in line. When the last person  buys their copy, Hyoyeon signals something to Baekhyun. In a few minutes, the song stops, and the lights are turned to the small stage. Hyoyeon stands in the middle of it, holding a small paper.

“Hello, everyone,” she smiles awkwardly, but her happiness is obvious. “Five years ago an event like this was just a dream in my mind. I always wanted to create a space where I could feel like I’m living truly, where I could talk with people like me. So, I’m really glad you guys are here today.”

Some people clap, some people scream. She laughs.

“PHANTASIA is happy to announce the first drag show of this store. We hope we’ll have more in the future,” she says, widening her eyes for emphasis. “And, now, we have our first girl here. I present to you: Key!”

A man _dead-ass_ dressed like Marge Simpson enters the stage. Jongdae calls Kyungsoo, and he follows his friend’s voice to sit next to him on the counter. Yuri joins them, and after three presentations, Baekhyun comes to sit with them too.

“Man, it’s so fun to watch them dressing,” he eats some snacks settling himself between Jongdae’s legs. “The makeup transformation is too professional. The girls upstairs are magicians.”

On the stage, a drag king is presenting, lip-synching G Dragon. Kyungsoo is actually enjoying the show.

“Thank you, Wendy,” Hyoyeon walks on after the drag king finishes. “Are you guys having fun?”

The small audience screams back, excited.

“Good, now, singing the hymn of our generation,” she reads the paper and chuckles. “Loey!”

Kyungsoo doesn’t understand why his friends look at him instead of the stage. The lights go off, for a few seconds, and when they can see again, there’s a person on the stage. With their back turned to the audience, the _really_ long figure is dressed in the classic blue flight attendant dress from the Toxic music video. The wig is blonde, and even if they can only see the back of the person, the hat and the posture denounce it’s the Britney classic.

The song starts and everybody is screaming until the drag turns their face to lip-synch the first words.

“ _Baby, can’t you see_?” Kyungsoo almost drops his milkshake on the ground. It’s Chanyeol. “ _I’m calling_.”

He’s using a perfect reproduction of the original dress, and his make-up and the wig are also astonishingly well done. He turns completely, and finally, Kyungsoo understands why he was the center of their attention – Chanyeol points to him while dancing.

“ _A guy like you should wear a warning_ ,” he shakes his hips and does the Britney tongue thing perfectly. “ _It's dangerous, I'm falling_.”

Baekhyun and Jongdae lose their shit and Yuri is recording with one hand and covering her mouth with the other.

“Fuck, he’s a good dancer,” Jongdae says while laughing. “He can dance in high heels like that!”

“ _There's no escape, I can't wait, I need a hit, baby, give me it,”_ Chanyeol does a tricky movement, an arm behind his head, dropping his hips and bending his knees – it’s shocking to see a man of his size dancing so easily on a 15cm heels. “ _You're dangerous, I'm loving it_.”

People are freaking out; A girl with a professional camera comes close to the stage and another girl next to her is directing a flashlight at him. He points at the camera and does a body roll, and both girls laugh. Kyungsoo thinks the one with the light is the girl he saw with Chanyeol the other day, but he’s not sure because it’s too dark to see the audience.

“ _Too high, can't come down, losin' my head, spinnin' 'round and 'round_ ,” he definitely stares at the group on the counter as he slides his hands down his dress. “ _Do you feel me now?”_

“Fuck, he’s seducing you dressed as Britney Spears,” Hyoyeon screams and Kyungsoo realizes she was next to them the whole time. He was too distracted by the exposed long legs – Kyungsoo knows it’s supposed to be just like the original, but Chanyeol is a lot taller than Britney, and this is just too erotic. “He’s a keeper, Kyungsoo. Don’t fail me now.”

“ _Oh, the taste of your lips, I'm on a ride_ ,” Chanyeol does the famous scene with the hair flip and the finger touching the lips. “ _You're toxic, I'm slippin' under, with a taste of a poison paradise, I'm addicted to you…_ ”

Kyungsoo has to look down. Baekhyun is laughing hard and Jongdae is a mess of screams.

" _Don't you know that you're toxic? And I love what you do, don't you know that you're toxic?_ ”

Damn, Kyungsoo is impressed. He’s also mortified, so he looks down until the song ends. Hyoyeon runs to the stage and Kyungsoo finally breathes.

“Hey, a round of applause for Loey, here,” she smiles. “You look really inspired, Loey. Got someone to impress?”

Kyungsoo regrets his life choices. Every one of them, but especially his professional choices.

“Actually yes,” Chanyeol says, wiping his sweaty forehead. “I want to thank my friend Joohyun, who made me do this. She’s a fashion student and she made this replica of Britney’s clothes in my size and she also did my make-up. I was really embarrassed, but she convinced me, and now I’m a part of her school’s final project.”

The girl in the audience beams; Kyungsoo was right, it’s the girl holding the light.

“Ah Joohyun, you’re so talented,” Hyoyeon coos. “A round of applause for her too!”

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed, Loey,” Hyoyeon says after the clapping. “You’ve been really great. I bet… _many people_ … liked… Anything else to say before you go?”

“Huh…” he looks at Kyungsoo’s direction. Kyungsoo looks down. “Thank you for having me.”

“Okay,” Hyoyeon sighs, displeased. “Now, the last one is a group…”

Chanyeol jumps off the stage because he’s a show off; he walks to his friends, still in high heels. Baekhyun and Jongdae hug him, both really excited. They talk for a bit and Chanyeol touches Kyungsoo’s leg, where it’s over the counter.

“Hey,” he smiles.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo grunts.

“So, what did you think about…?” Chanyeol rubs the place he’s touching. Kyungsoo shivers. “I know you don’t like drag art, but…”

“It was good,” Kyungsoo says, staring at his milkshake. “You look good too.”

“Ah, do you think so?” Chanyeol laughs. “It’s not my first time using a dress, but this is the shortest… Huh, you know, Kyungsoo…”

The noise is getting higher and suddenly, Chanyeol gets closer. For a moment, Kyungsoo thinks it’s because he wants to say something, but when he looks up, he realizes Chanyeol’s being pushed by a group of people trying to open a space. There’s a fight.

“Stop, you assholes,” Baekhyun screams, and of course he’s in the middle. A few guys are arguing, and Hyoyeon is trying to calm them down. Kyungsoo only realizes why after he looks at the stage, where three drags are standing. They’re dressed like SNSD, in their first single and formation, Taeyeon, Tifanny, and Jessica; but Jessica is on the ground, with a sign KICKED OUT on her face.

“You guys have no idea of what happened,” one of the guys scream to the drags on the stage. The Taeyeon drag, ironically, says:

“Taeyeon is a bitch and she kicked Jessica because she was jealous. That was what happened.”

“Wash your mouth,” a girl spits. Kyungsoo jumps off the counter; he has a baseball bat next to his things. He is going to end this fight. He tries to walk away, but suddenly, Chanyeol hugs his back, dragging him – because someone threw a punch and many people fell like a domino. Hyoyeon screams, angry. The only thing Kyungsoo sees is the man who fell in Disney princess’s arms. It was the guy with the mask and sweater, but when they pushed him, the mask flew away, and just the fishing hat and big clothes couldn’t cover his identity.

Kyungsoo stares, in shock, at _Kim Minseok_.

Chanyeol takes few seconds to realize what’s going on, but when he does, he gasps next to Kyungsoo’s ear. Kyungsoo is still trying to think.

“Is that… Minseok?” One of the drags on the stage points. For a fraction of a second, Kyungsoo and Disney princess make eye contact and Kyungsoo seizes the opportunity to say:

“Take him upstairs,” he escapes Chanyeol’s arms to run to them. “I’ve got your back!”

It only takes one movement (Disney princess ironically being the one to carry Minseok in a bridal style) to generate the chaos. People scream and turn to them, and Kyungsoo pushes Disney princess to hurry him. A guy tries to catch them, but Chanyeol comes from nowhere and pushes him. Disney princess runs upstairs, stumbling to their improvised dressing room. The door is closed and Kyungsoo gets in front of them to open it. When the two finally come in, Kyungsoo looks back.

It’s like the gay version of 300.

Even with Jongdae trying to stop people trying to get in the top of the stairs, they’re coming. Chanyeol puts his hand inside of his cleavage, takes off two thick socks (Kyungsoo realizes he’s using a bra) and hits them in the face.

“Get inside and close the door,” he says to Kyungsoo. “I’ll stay.”

“What?” Kyungsoo says worriedly. “No way, you’re going to die.”

“Get insi—” Chanyeol starts to say, but Kyungsoo drags him inside and closes the door. Inside of the room, wigs, clothes, bags, sneakers… Kyungsoo can see his distressed face reflected in the mirrors. 

“Fuck,” he lets out a breath. “We have to call the police.”

“What? No,” Minseok finally speaks. “My security team is also downstairs. They will call for backup.”

“I told you that you shouldn’t come,” Disney princess hits him slightly in the arm. “You never listen to me!”

Kyungsoo stares at them, tired and too confused to ask anything. Chanyeol whines and sits on the ground.

“How does my sister use this shit every day like this is a hell,” he complains, taking off his shoes. “Ah, Joohyun is going to kill me.”

They can still hear the screaming mess, but it seems to be calmer, somehow. Kyungsoo finally understands that he’s locked in a room with Minseok. Kim _fucking_ Minseok.

“What are you doing here?” Kyungsoo asks, serious. He’s the last one standing, everyone else is sitting on the floor; Kyungsoo feels weird to be tallest in the room.

“I just want to see my fans,” Minseok breathes out. “To have fun at a gay party. I never went to a gay party.”

“There are gay parties to go to where you would be safe,” Kyungsoo says, angry. “If you wanted to come why didn’t you warn us?”

“My label didn’t let me, it was supposed to be a secret,” Minseok answers, and he sounds sad. “I just wanted to see how it was and then leave. I’m sorry if I caused so many problems.”

Kyungsoo rubs his face and tries to calm down.

“No, I’m sorry. This is not your fault,” Kyungsoo says. “And why are you here with Disney Princess?”

“Disney Princess…?” Minseok asks, confused. Kyungsoo widens his eyes. He forgot he wasn’t talking to his friends. “You mean… Luhan?”

Luhan looks at Kyungsoo, his mouthing forming an ‘O’. Minseok laughs loudly, almost lying on the floor.

“I’m not…!” Luhan says, offended. “That’s how you see me? I can’t believe I asked you out!”

“What?” Chanyeol asks. Minseok stops laughing.

“You asked him out,” Minseok asks, analyzing Kyungsoo. “Well, he’s cute.”

Kyungsoo must be dreaming. He resists the urge to slap himself.

“Thank you,” he manages to say. Kim Minseok thinks he’s cute (!!!).

“Hey, what the fuck,” Chanyeol stands up, a shoe in his hand like a knife. “So, he can call you cute and that’s fine?”

“Yes?” Kyungsoo frowns. “I’m a fan. He’s my inspiration.”

“And I am your boyfriend!” Chanyeol says, offended. “Don’t blush because he said something I’m not even allowed to say!”

“What?” Kyungsoo and Luhan ask at the same time. Chanyeol pouts like a kid.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Minseok says, disappointed, whispering to Luhan. “I almost invited him for a threesome…”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Kyungsoo explains. “Also, threesome? Who else?”

“The two of us,” Luhan says, ignoring the entire shocked gesture Chanyeol is doing. “We’re in an open relationship.”

“What the hell,” Chanyeol mumbles. “So, we’re dating but I’m not your boyfriend?”

“We’re dating?” Kyungsoo asks. “Since when?”

“Since I asked you out, held your hand, slept in your bed and kissed you?!” Chanyeol points in his fingers to give emphasis. “Or were you just using me?”

“That sounds like dating,” Luhan whispers and Minseok nods. Kyungsoo glares at them.

“I…” Kyungsoo licks his lips. Now, saying it like that, it does look like they were dating. “If we were dating, then why were you buying chocolates with a girl? She was literally holding you and you were holding her bags, I saw.”

Minseok does a shocked sound, something like “ _ooooowww_ ”. Luhan’s eyes widen and they look at Chanyeol expectantly.

“With a girl…?” Chanyeol frowns. “You mean Joohyun?”

“I don’t know her name,” Kyungsoo says dryly. Minseok and Luhan are watching them like a Tennis contest. “I saw you two at the mall.”

“Fuck, this is not… First, she’s not my girlfriend. She _has_ a girlfriend,” he says angrily. “We were buying my makeup, those were my bags. And the only chocolate I ever bought to give to someone was what I gave you!”

Oh.

Well, now Kyungsoo sounds like a jerk.

“Then, why were you two hugging…?” He asks, just to be sure.

“She was hugging me because I was about to have a panic attack,” he says, his face red. “I told you I’m trying to do new things… being a drag is scary, but… dating someone is even scarier…”

“You never dated?” Minseok asks softly, head slightly turned to the side.

“No,” now Chanyeol is looking like a tomato soup. “I… never did… I never dated or… like… I kissed someone like, twice, but it was a _disaster_.”

Kyungsoo wants to die. He is the lord of the jerks. The jerk to rule them all. He has no idea of what to do.

“Honey, that’s okay,” Minseok comforts Chanyeol with sweet words. “Not everyone has the same rhythm. I was the last one to date in my family. You shouldn’t be embarrassed.”

Luhan nods, but he’s making a weird face.

“So, he’s virgin, right?” he whispers to Minseok, as if Chanyeol and Kyungsoo couldn’t hear him. Minseok slaps him quiet.

Chanyeol glances at Kyungsoo and looks down.

“I’m sorry if it wasn’t very clear. I don’t know how to date…”

“I never dated too,” Kyungsoo says, because he knows he _must_. He wouldn’t talk about his personal life in public, especially to his idol, but Chanyeol exposed himself, and he can’t be vulnerable alone. “I had… a sexual relationship… with the Instagram guy. No feelings, no… romantic stuff. I didn’t… it was hard for me to understand what you were trying to say. I’m really sorry.”

Chanyeol lifts his gaze and smiles sheepishly. He’s kind of cute when he’s like that.

“Then we are dating, right?”

“I… think so,” Kyungsoo answers. “I’m not familiar with the rules.”

“Mine is: I have to call you my boyfriend,” Chanyeol says pointedly. “And introduce you to my sister and my dog. They live with me and they really want to meet you.”

Oh, so that’s why… Chanyeol wanted Kyungsoo to come to his house. _Amazing_. Kyungsoo is so dumb.

“Okay. Mine is: don’t call me cute,” Kyungsoo grins.

“Ah, that’s evil,” Chanyeol laughs. They stare at each other.

“Kiss, you dumbasses,” Minseok says, fake angry. “Or I’m going to sue you all.”

Kyungsoo snorts. He walks to Chanyeol and looks up. Chanyeol bends and instead of kissing him, rubs their noses. Kyungsoo breaks the distance to give him a little peck on the lips. Chanyeol laughs, too happy to stand still.

“No offense, but I want some tongue action,” Luhan says. Minseok nods.

“Ah, can you two not look then,” Chanyeol asks, nervous.

“No,” Minseok shakes his head. “And if you take too long, I will record it.”

Kyungsoo is impatient with this. He holds Chanyeol down and presses their lips together; when Chanyeol seems to relax, Kyungsoo bites his lip, sucking lightly to make him open his mouth. Chanyeol makes an odd sound when the tongues touch, but Kyungsoo doesn’t mind. It makes Kyungsoo’s stomach bubbly, the way they can feel each other’s breathing, hot in their faces.

“That’s so cute,” Baekhyun says.

Wait.

Kyungsoo stops the kiss and looks up. Only Baekhyun’s face is visible in the tiny air window close to the ceiling.

“What the…” Chanyeol asks, doing the same Kyungsoo did.

“Oh, hey guys… so… we evacuated the store with the help of Minseok’s team,” Baekhyun informs, and he tries to wave, but the window can’t show the entire movement. “By the way, nice to meet you, I love you and my boyfriend and I named our dildo after you.”

“…tell him about the tattoo,” Jongdae’s voice can be heard.

“I have a tattoo with your name on my chest, and my boyfriend on his ass,” Baekhyun smiles, and his face disappears for a moment. “Also, baby, can you be careful with your hands? I mean, I like that, but this is _not_ the time.”

Ah, so that’s how he got so tall.

“We can… leave?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Well, yes. The store is not as bad as we thought it was. Only a few broken things, no one hurt, no one dead…”

“I have to leave before the press finds us,” Minseok says worriedly. “I had fun, guys. But no paparazzi will see me here or I’m fucked.”

“That’s okay, we will help you,” Chanyeol says, and to prove his point, he puts on his high heels again.

“Thanks, 2 meters-tall Britney Spears,” Minseok says solemnly, standing up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“… so, let me see if I get it. They were a trio, then they kicked out one, but remained a band,” Chanyeol says, shaking the keys in his fingers. “And the duo was rumored to be a couple who actually kicked out the ex from a polyamorous relationship?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo nods. “I mean, that’s what people say.”

“Humm, I guess this is more interesting than Yifan’s boring straight life,” Chanyeol scratches his hair. He took off the wig on the way home, and he’s back to sneakers, but no one convinced him to take off the dress until Joohyun appeared and slapped him on the head. She was insanely mad to see he got it dirty, but she promised she would give it back clean after her presentation.

“Anything is more interesting than Yifan’s straight life,” Kyungsoo says. Chanyeol turns to him and rests in his own front door.

“Even your life?” he grins. Kyungsoo holds him by the neck and pushes him down to kiss him. It’s still a bit confusing, to be allowed to kiss someone anytime. Chanyeol smiles, breaking the kiss, but keeps the short distance between them.

“Listen, we need to be quiet now,” he whispers in Kyungsoo’s mouth. “My sister and Jonginnie are sleeping; she’s pregnant and he’s injured, so…”

“What about your dog?” Kyungsoo asks and he’s mesmerized by how comfortable it feels to be that close to Chanyeol.

“He sleeps with me… with us,” he smiles. “He’s a very educated dog, he won’t bark.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo nods. They come in without making a noise until Chanyeol kicks a lamp on their way. They run to the room, containing their laughter. Chanyeol closes the door of his room after they get in and laughs hard at his mistake.

“I always kick that lamp,” Chanyeol explains. A tiny dog comes running to his feet. “Hey, baby, were you waiting for me?”

Kyungsoo thinks about his dogs. Namjoon promised to watch them since Kyungsoo wouldn’t return home that night. The dog comes closer to sniff him.

“I hope I don’t have my dogs’ smell,” Kyungsoo says, squatting to pet him. “Hey, nice to meet you.”

Chanyeol watches them in silence for a while. Kyungsoo looks up and he seems… different.

“I’m stinking…” he says. “But if I take a shower, then I have to offer to you too, it will sound suggestive? I’m just being nice, I swear.”

“No, I think you’re just being nice, I promise,” Kyungsoo smiles. Chanyeol looks around.

“This is a mess, I’m sorry,” he says, his worry is clear in his voice. “I’ll… fix…”

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo draws his attention. “You don’t have to do anything. We just have to sleep.”

Chanyeol nods, puts his bag on a chair and opens his closet. Kyungsoo pets Toben, and he’s such a quiet dog compared to his. Maybe they don’t look like the owners, contrary to what people say.

Kyungsoo showers first and he has to use Chanyeol’s clothes. When Chanyeol sees him, he snorts.

“Don’t mock me,” Kyungsoo raises one eyebrow.

“No, I think you look… _you know what_ ,” Chanyeol nods. He has no pajamas, but old shirts. Fits him, Kyungsoo thinks, sitting in the bed to watch his room, full of random things. Chanyeol sits in bed too, and Kyungsoo notices how he’s fidgeting with his shirt.

“Arnh… you can take any side you want,” he mumbles. He’s nervous. Kyungsoo touches his arm, quietly, and lets him be the one who kisses this time. When their chest touches, besides the soft feeling of clean skin and nice old fabric, Kyungsoo can feel his heart beating fast. It’s good, feeling his smell, his proximity – to be in a different place, doing a very new thing.

“Chanyeol,” he whispers. “We don’t have to do anything now.”

“It’s just because… I wanted to be… less tired and hurt,” he swallows, looking at Kyungsoo. “I want to impress you when we…”

“Don’t think about that,” Kyungsoo chuckles. “We will have time to do a lot of things. For now we can make out a little.”

“That’s good,” he nods eagerly. “I like that. Making out is what we’re doing right now, right?”

Kyungsoo snorts. They lay in bed, under the thick blanket, and Toben jumps on the bed. Maybe they won’t make out.

“Sorry,” Chanyeol says, but he’s laughing. “Next time I’ll let him sleep with my sister. He likes the baby bump.”

“No problem,” Kyungsoo assures him, opening a space so the dog can fit between them. “He’s a good dog.”

“Ah, did you hear it, Toben? He likes you! It took a long time for me to make him like me, but he already likes you,” Chanyeol pats the furry head, smiling. Kyungsoo feels something in his chest. “I guess I’m not that cute, so…”

“You said you were in love with someone, before,” Kyungsoo says, quietly. “Can you talk about it?”

Chanyeol stares at him, surprised. He sighs, carrying Toben like a baby before resting him on his chest.

“I fell in love years ago, to be honest. I don’t see… well, his name is Yixing, but you probably already heard a lot about him if you met Baekhyun, like _, once_ , let alone being his friend.”

Kyungsoo snorts.

“Were you two in love with the same guy?”

“No offense, but who wasn’t in love with Yixing?” Chanyeol smiles. “He was… the perfect guy. Also, straight and engaged, because… Disney Enchanted Prince antics…”

Kyungsoo bets this guy is tall, has abs and it’s generally manly. Chanyeol gets closer to him, now Toben is in his chest.

“I guess he was my real-life-Yifan,” Chanyeol continues. “He was nice to me, but it was obvious it was impossible, you know. But I kept in my mind I just wanted him and no one else. Then, I realized I chose him to escape reality. And, in the end, it became a habit, to be… “in love”, I mean, I wasn’t anymore, but I was clinging to the idea, even if… this thing was pretty much dead.”

“I see,” Kyungsoo nods. He rubs Toben’s ear and the dog closes his eyes.

“So, it was two years ago. He left, and I started to see how much I was avoiding. I told myself I was happy just being friends with people, but they always had their own lovers… and I was always second place in their hearts. I just wanted… someone who loved me as much as I love them, I guess.”

“Is this your _new me_ thing?”

“Ah, it’s more complex. When Yixing left, it was sad, but I was sad because of many other things. My job, my creations, my music… I was in a really dark place until my sister got pregnant. I mean, she asked for a divorce first, then she found out she was pregnant,” he laughs at Kyungsoo’s surprised face. “She was… unhappy and in a bad place too, but everything changed after the pregnancy. I asked her to move in with me and Nini, just to be sure she would be okay.”

“Is she okay?” Kyungsoo frowns.

“She’s so happy! That hit me hard, you know? That good things can come out of sad times. That baby appeared in such a bad year for us… but now she’s like… 8 months pregnant and dating again? Like, she’s so different now,” he stares at the ceiling. “I tried to change too. I wanted my nephew to meet me in my best version. That’s why I’m trying so hard to let go of the past. And to do different things…”

He puts his hand over Kyungsoo’s, right next to his dog.

“… things I’ve been afraid of.” He smiles. “I’m succeeding, right?”

“Well, he will be surprised to find out his uncle was Britney Spears,” Kyungsoo grins. Chanyeol laughs, pinching his hand. “You still have glitter on your face.”

Or maybe he’s just glowing. Kyungsoo avoids looking at his obnoxious happy face and finds, in the middle of his mess, the 2ne1 poster hanging on the wall.

“What’s that… do you still kiss that poster?” Kyungsoo frowns, pointing. “Remove that instantly.”

“Ah, you’re a jealous boyfriend?” Chanyeol mocks, poking Kyungsoo’s nose with his index finger. “Huh, I’ve heard you have a lot of fanboys, I should be the one guarding you. You’ll have to announce on every social media we’re dating.”

“I don’t have social media. I barely have a social life.”

“Well, then I will fix this. And after that, I will put on that sign: don’t call him cute because he has a scary boyfriend!”

“I’m back to my fantasies when I’m dating Yifan?”

“Hey, you asshole— _Wait_ ,” Chanyeol tries to move, but Toben makes a complaining sound. “Hey, sorry, boy… Kyungsoo, tell me more about your fantasies.”

“I live on a big farm with Yifan. I don’t talk to people. I don’t see people. I don’t hear people. He always comes home sweaty and with no shirt. We have passionate sex in every corner of our old, but well-kept house.”

“Well, _damn_ ,” Chanyeol whistles. “I can’t beat that.”

“No, you can’t.”

“I’ll do differently, then,” he nods to himself. “If you’re patient, of course. I don’t have much experience, after all. But I can make you like this life you’re having right now more than the one in your mind.”

“I doubt it.”

“I like being challenged,” Chanyeol smiles and his _definitely_ glowing now. “And I like you.”

“I like sleeping.”

“Well, that makes two of us.”

 

 

 

When Kyungsoo wakes up, he takes some time to remember why he’s not in his room. He sits in bed and inspects the place. He’s alone… oh, no. There’s a dog on the floor. Then, he remembers and smiles to himself. He cleans his face in Chanyeol’s bathroom and changes his clothes before leaving the room. Toben is following him around. He walks to the kitchen and he finds Chanyeol singing while shaking a pan.

“Good morning,” Kyungsoo says. Chanyeol gets startled by his voice and almost drops the pancakes.

“Ah, good morning,” he smiles. “Toben was watching you sleep. He really likes you.”

“I like him too,” Kyungsoo says, sitting at the table. He pets the dog, now he’s closer. “I’m also hungry.”

“Good for you, your boyfriend knows how to cook,” he says, showing him the table. “He also knows how to run to the grocery store and to buy literally everything he finds in his way.”

“Okay,” Kyungsoo smiles. The table is completely taken up by food. “I can see that.”

“Nini is taking breakfast with us, too. My sister is not in the mood for eating,” he shrugs. “She’ll be here anytime. Don’t feed Toben, even if he asks cutely.”

Kyungsoo chuckles. Chanyeol drags a chair next to him and sits, leaving no space between them. Kyungsoo stares back expectantly.

“Kiss before breakfast?” Chanyeol asks, smiling like a child.

“Chanyeol,” a voice comes from near them. “Can you help me with my shirt?”

Kyungsoo turns to see who’s talking. To his surprise, it’s Shy Hottie. His hair is disheveled, his eyes are puffy and he’s holding his left arm against his chest protectively. Also, he’s just in his underwear.

“Ah, of course, Nini,” Chanyeol says and Shy Hottie seems to notice Kyungsoo.

They stare at each other. To be honest, Kyungsoo stares at his abs, because he’s just human.

Shy hottie blinks, widens his eyes and runs away from them. He _runs_ like the devil is chasing him.

“Jongin…?” Chanyeol asks, lost. “ _What the hell_ … that’s… I mean, he’s shy, but he never ran away before…”

“You should go help him,” Kyungsoo says innocently, looking up.

“Yeah, he hurt his shoulder in his game,” Chanyeol mumbles, leaving the kitchen. “Jongin, are you okay?”

Kyungsoo starts to eat, completely unaffected by the current events. Nothing can be weirder than his selfie with Minseok being the lock screen of his phone. He survived a crazy night and now he can just sit and relax for a while. On Monday, he will have to go to his boring classes and after that, help to clean the store before they open it. He’ll have a lot of work, but he won’t stress about that now.

In fact, in thirty minutes they’re all eating just fine. Shy hottie is fully dressed and Chanyeol helps him to eat. He avoids Kyungsoo’s eyes, red as a tomato, and Chanyeol’s sister appears just to say hello to Kyungsoo and then go back to her napping. Kyungsoo stares at Chanyeol talking to his unborn nephew in her belly, the way he cuts his bread messily and how he tries to feed his moppy roommate.

He’s fine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yifan’s entry is _dramatic_. He opens the door, standing in the middle, pushing it away with both hands. His blonde hair falls over his eyes and he pushes it back, looking straight into the protagonist’s eyes. His shirt is half open and he looks like a dream.

Chanyeol makes a noise like “ _aaashhhhhhhhkkkkkkkkeeeyyyyy_ ”, but Kyungsoo is not sure if it’s the right transcription. Baekhyun throws popcorn on him.

“I honestly don’t know what’s so good about this guy,” Hyoyeon complains. Sooyoung, under her, nods in agreement.

“Not my type, either,” Jongdae points and his leg, dangerously over Kyungsoo’s face, moves a bit after Luhan hits him.

“She’s gay, you just have bad taste in men,” Kyungsoo says. He’s smashed between Yuri and Baekhyun and Chanyeol can’t stop moving on his chest.

“She’s cute, though,” Hyoyeon smiles. Someone slaps her noisily. Kyungsoo bets it’s Sooyoung.

“He’s not nearly this sexy in real life,” Minseok says, munching the popcorn. “I once saw him tripping over his own feet.”

“How long is a music video supposed to be?” Luhan complains where he’s lying on the floor. “It’s been three minutes and the music hasn’t started yet!”

“Straight man antics,” Yuri states. “God, this is boring.”

Junmyeon snorts, “I don’t know about that. I’m almost sure I made out with him when I was drunk in a club in Amsterdam.”

Slowly, every head turns to face the man sitting prettily in a chair, differently to the mass of people on the couch. Baekhyun sits up, pressing Kyungsoo harder against Yuri.

“Holy shit, best _wine and whine_ session! Tell us everything!”

Chanyeol looks up, grabbing Kyungsoo’s hand.

“Are we over or we’re just up to a threesome now?” he smiles lazily. Kyungsoo fixes his messy hair. He likes the way it falls on his face, but Chanyeol has beautiful eyes. There’s honestly nothing better than staring at him like this, while he’s getting cozy with their friends and having fun. Somewhere else, people are living on a farm. Somewhere else, Yifan is dating someone, driving his expensive car or just drinking champagne.

Here and now, Kyungsoo is having fun. He takes two hours to arrive on campus, he feels too old to take classes, he waits patiently for Amber to leave the closet while he listens to her songs, he suffers while Jongdae and Baekhyun scream, he works in a small store and sometimes he avoids meeting his family on the holidays. Also, his dogs pee everywhere when they’re excited.

“Threesome,” Kyungsoo smiles back.

He’ll keep reading boring books for his classes while Chanyeol is listening to music next to him. He’ll come to work sleepy because of his final exams. He’ll feel uncomfortable sometimes while he’s holding his boyfriend’s hand in public. He’ll feel sad at the end of the month when he pays all the bills and then ends up with no money to do anything.

But then Chanyeol will come visit him at home to watch movies or maybe he’ll call his friends while watching cooking shows. It doesn’t matter.

“Then, we should practice that thing we watched on that channel?” Chanyeol whispers, face red. “With the two dildos?”

“You can actually talk about dildos in the same room with us and seriously think we won’t hear,” Jongdae says, laughing.

“Please don’t talk about your sex life next to me,” Yuri complains, but she’s laughing. “Please change this ugly guy face and let’s watch _Carmilla_!”

“Fuck _Carmilla_ , I want _Supergirl_ ,” Luhan sits up. “We can watch _Supergirl_ , right?”

“No queerbaiting in this store,” Hyoyeon says. “Oh, we’re in Minseok’s home. I forgot. Then, I don’t know, can we?”

 

It’s his life, his skin and everything he has, to be honest.

If he’s not happy with it, if he can’t see the good things, then… who will?

 

“One thing at a time,” Kyungsoo pokes him a bit aggressively in the forehead. “We had sex _once_ and now you already want to do Kamasutra stuff?”

Chanyeol pouts. Kyungsoo pushes his lips up, forming a smile.

 

Nothing in his life will be exactly like he wants to be.

It can be even better.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting this because of London9calling. I love her and she liked this mess.  
> Thank you 4 helping me <3!
> 
>  
> 
> (also, to fullfill my dreams of gay exo-snsd, and to ignore the fact snsd is pretty dead)  
> (I'm sorry for the casual heterophobia lmao I'm kidding)  
> the lgbt colors are messed up, but I'm here for the aesthetics  
> tell me if you enjoyed outstanding man-hating lesbians snsd!!!!


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